Mitt Romney Still A Dumb Jerk, Some More, Again
Business Insider has yet another entry in the ongoing saga that is MittWatch ’16. Another “member” of the “inner circle” of that cock tease the Duke of Salt Lake, Willard Mitochondria Phlegmatic Hustings Coffeepot Romney XII, leaks that the Rombot met this past week in New York with “key financial backers” of his past losing campaigns. Which means he is probably definitely likely running for president again in 2016. Or he’s a rich retired guy jetting around the country to enjoy the perks of being a rich retired guy, like watching a New York Jets game from the owner’s skybox at the team’s stadium. Which, considering it’s the Jets and the stadium is in New Jersey, doesn’t sound to us like a perk. It sounds like one of Dante’s more minor circles.
The latest entry in this very important story (for political satirists and fans of train wrecks alike) comes on the heels of Mitt telling wingnut skin sack Hugh Hewitt that he would not run again while hedging that “circumstances could change.” That non-denial denial was followed by Ann “Egg” Romney’s assertion that uh-uh, no way our gardener Jose, the family would not be going through the nightmare of a presidential campaign again no matter how badly the country needs the Stormin’ Mormon to fix America after the son of Ham currently occupying the White House finishes destroying it.
Perhaps Mitt’s listening skills have improved enough for him to listen to his family when they tell him not to run. Otherwise he’ll be back out on the campaign trail trying to answer questions without really hearing what he’s saying. Poor listening skills being the only reason he made those “47 percent” comments in 2012, and not the fact that he’s an oblivious rich prig who can’t listen to anyone lacking a multi-million-dollar stock portfolio without his eyes glazing over.
Mitt might also want to look into brushing up his organizational skills. Daniel Kreiss, an assistant professor in the School of Media and Journalism at the University of North Carolina, released a paper [.pdf] studying the way the Romney and Obama campaigns used Twitter during the 2012 campaign. As everyone pretty much knew back then, the Obama digital team had much more autonomy to operate on social media, giving its candidate an enormous advantage in rallying supporters and getting the candidate’s message out to the public. While the Romney digital team, in a word, sucked. Buried in the study is this nugget from the Rombot’s digital integration director:
Yr Wonkette is old enough to remember when Republicans kept telling us that Mitt Romney was a great manager who had run businesses by making them lean, mean, hard-charging capitalism machines. And yet the guy had a campaign so bloated that 22 people, presumably spread all over the country, had to approve every single tweet sent out by his official account. Combined with the campaign’s get-out-the-vote-on-Election-Day software that crashed so hard Richter scales could record it, we’re beginning to think that talking point might have been a little inaccurate.
Please run again in 2016, Mitt. America needs you, because laughter is healthy.
Everything old is Mitt again.
You can't really blame Mittens. He was obviously raised on the maxim, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." So far he has only performed the "If at first you don't succeed, try" part. His programming will get all fouled up if he can't finish the objectives.