GOP Lady Who Called Obama Daughters Skanks Has Always Had Strong Opinions That Suck

Man did we have a good laugh the other day at the sordid tale of Elizabeth Lauten, the shitwitted GOP staffer and future crazy cat lady who thought it was a good idea to publicly slut-shame President Obama’s daughters for being teenagers and then needed God and her mommy and daddy to convince her that eh, maybe she should not have done that. Lauten lost her job as a result of her indiscretion and the story should have died right there. We had not counted on the Washington Post deciding to wring every last drop they could out of the smoking ruins of Lauten’s career by assigning a foreign-affairs reporter to drop that important story about international relations and comb through the twit’s Internet history to find some more of her embarrassing maunderings.

Yr Wonkette is of two minds about this: On the one hand, who cares what some dipstick (former) congressional staffer wrote for the student newspaper at East Carolina University eight years ago? We probably wrote some embarrassing garbage in college that we wouldn’t want to make public now. Hell, we probably wrote some embarrassing garbage last week that we would like to keep to ourselves.

On the other hand, we live to mock stupid people. As Ned Flanders might say, it’s a dilly of a pickle. You can imagine how torn we found ourselves, and how this war with our better nature lasted right up until we started reading.

(S)he at times felt discomfort with what she characterized as her classmates intellectual shortcomings. “Everywhere I go, I hear fellow students discussing the most insignificant topics,” she wrote in a 2007 column in the East Carolinian. ” … Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I calling anyone at ECU unintelligent … you can do that for yourself, trust me, it’s easy enough.”

She must have been a hoot at parties in college. Sorry the discourse at a university Buzzfeed once ranked as the tenth-hottest party school in the country wasn’t up to your rigorous intellectual standards, Madam Curie.

Lauten wrote a series of opinion pieces that called on the United States to intervene in Darfur and cheered the execution of Saddam Hussein. But she observed of Saddam Hussein’s hanging, “we should be more civilized” and try a different method of execution: “Whatever happened to the gas chamber or lethal injection?”

Yes, why didn’t the U.S. build a gas chamber or a lethal injection system for the Iraqis to use on Saddam? We’re sure some contractor would have been happy to charge a few billion for that. As long as we were exporting democracy to Iraq, we might as well have thrown in the civilized ways that our own vibrant system puts people to death. Lord knows we hadn’t exported enough of those to the country we had just destroyed.

In one column, she cautioned Americans against “making race an issue once again. … Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people are not discriminated against or that people are treated fairly all the time, but I cannot believe that people have to make such a big deal out of it. There are many more important things to worry about in the world.”

Yeah, black people! Slavery was, like, hundreds of years ago! And white North Carolinians like Lauten started letting you sit at their lunch counters in the 1960s even though you rudely forced the issue, so maybe just say thank you and shut the fuck up!

Best part of the WaPo piece, though? It’s this:

After she got out of school, she moved to the Washington area, where she eventually got a job with Illinois Republican Rep. Joe Walsh. Things apparently didn’t go well. “She didn’t last with me. She had some issues and some problems,” Walsh told the Daily Herald, adding that her recent comments were “pretty stupid.”

Holy crap. She wasn’t a competent enough employee for Joe Walsh? The Joe Walsh? The deadbeat dad who thought Todd Akin was not so bad and that Tammy Duckworth should just shut up about those legs she had amputated fighting in Iraq while he was telling his wife he couldn’t find his checkbook so the kids will just have to eat dust bunnies this month? That Joe Walsh?

We take back what we said up top, WaPo. Thank you for this gift of laughter.

[ Washington Post ]