Boise Burglary Suspect Is One Sad Panda

Sometimes you just need to get out the ol' rainbow-puking gnome, and today is one of those days, because today, Tuesday, December Second, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Fourteen, we learned that an 18-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting by Boise Police late last night, and her name, we shit you not, is Amanda Miranda Panda. 

Boise police were summoned to the area of Milwaukee Street and Franklin Road Monday night. That's where the suspects allegedly shoplifted items from stores and burglarized at least two cars in a department store parking lot. Police said as they attempted to question the male suspect, he took off on foot but was caught a short time later. The woman was arrested without incident.

The male of the pair, Tristen Parsons, 18, is never ever going to be famous except as the boyfriend (we assume, though maybe theirs is only a professional relationship) of Amanda Miranda Panda, who was no doubt driven to a life of criminality by her parents' decision to name her Amanda Miranda Panda. She takes a pretty good mug shot, too.

 
 Photos: Ada County Sheriff's Office

There is no truth to the rumor that Ms. Panda's street name is "Butterstick." Bond has been set at 650 pounds of bamboo shoots.

[ Boise Weekly ]