Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much

Iowa Congresscantaloupe Steve King has some thoughts on The Gheys, as well as on where you will find them in the afterlife and where you won't. Sadly, according to King, the odds of Heaven having any really good discotheques are pretty slim, so people who have lived lives of great rectitude should just resign themselves to spending eternity in the equivalent of a Holiday Inn cocktail lounge.

In an interview with local paper   The Jefferson Herald, King hinted that he isn't terribly thrilled that the Pope is considering mucking around with the family, even if the Catholic Church ends up saying that gays remain hellbound anyway. 

So when the paper asked King what he thought of Pope Frank and the bishops reconsidering some aspects of doctrine, like whether God may be a little more OK with gays than He previously let on, or whether divorce and cohabitation might not be the absolute horrors that every good Catholic knows they are, King seemed fairly happy to agree that dudes doing sex to dudes was definitely sinful (girl-on-girl remains equally sinful, but also really hot). But as for divorce and shacking up, he wasn't going to go on the record and call them sins exactly -- but he wasn't going to say they weren't either:

“I think that I’ll not comment on that part,” King said. “I’ll just say that what was a sin 2,000 years ago is a sin today, and people that were condemned to hell 2,000 years ago, I don’t expect to meet them should I make it to heaven. So let’s stick with that principle.”

How reassuring -- ain't gonna be no gheys or divorced or fornicating drug mules sneaking into heaven with their well-developed calves, probably. But again, it's not for King to judge:

When pressed on the people he believed are included in the “condemned” category, King said, “Let me say it isn’t to me to pass that judgment, and those who choose a lifestyle that I’ll say is not one that’s anointed and favored by my faith -- or their faith, for that matter -- that’s between them and God.”

In other words, King won't judge anyone. But he's also clear on what some Bronze Age shepherds said Jebus would anoint, too, and Jesus isn't likely to be rubbing any myrrh on the tingly flesh of any sodomites, if you know what he means (and we think you do).

Speaking of faith, the paper missed a golden opportunity, we think, to ask King how Republican policies fit with Jesus's clearly-stated disdain for the rich, but it's probably just as well, since King would no doubt have just dragged out the Parable of the Talents one more time as proof that Jesus wants everyone to get the best possible interest rate.

Anyhoo, it's a relief Steve King knows who will have eternal life. It's dogs, right? Poor pups will need it.

[ The Jefferson Herald ]