This Iowa Cop Knows Everyone Who Plays Frisbee Golf Smokes Weed

• There are a lot of stereotypes about people who engage in the inhaling of recreational marijuana, and let's face it, they're mostly all true, aren't they? (Not that we would know, of course. [ Okay, yeah we would totally know. ]) Red eyes, slower reflexes, a ravenous hunger for whatever crappy pizza will deliver in the middle of the night, perhaps even an involuntary burst of inspiration to write some poetry about the beauty of the universe, man. But that doesn't mean cops have a right to trick you into waiving your Fourth Amendment rights, does it? Check out this video of Officer Aaron King of the Ankney Police Department in Iowa, maybe crossing the line just a bit. Maybe.

  COP: Do you play Frisbee golf?

  DRIVER: I do. A lot, actually. …

  COP: You do? I need you to answer me a question. Why is it everybody that plays frisbee golf smokes weed?

  DRIVER: No, it’s not everybody. It’s just —

  COP: It’s everybody, man. You can’t tell me you’ve never smoked weed before.

  DRIVER: I mean, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna tell you one way or another.

  COP: See? There you go. How much weed do you have in the car today?

  DRIVER: I don’t.

  COP: Nothing at all?

  DRIVER: Nothing at all. Nothing on my person.

  COP: So if I searched your car, you wouldn’t have anything in there at all?

  DRIVER: If you searched me right now, I would not have anything on my person.

  COP: What about your car?

  DRIVER: Nothing in my car.

  COP: Okay. All right. You understand you’re free to go and everything, but you wouldn’t have a problem with me looking through your car?

  DRIVER: Um, I actually would, just because there — just because I have a disc golf bag doesn’t mean that every disc golfer does have weed. So I would, um, actually.

  COP: So you have weed in the car, then, is what you’re saying?

  DRIVER: No, what I’m saying is I would mind if you searched my car because you’re profiling me based on being a disc golfer.

  COP: No. I just asked you a question. But you admitted that you have smoked weed in the past during our conversation, so that’s why I’m asking if you have weed —

  DRIVER: No, what I said was I am not going to say one way or another whether I smoke pot.

  COP: Okay, well, that’s a yes.

  DRIVER: No. It’s not.

  And it goes on like that. The video was uploaded to YouTube, the police department has apologized, and police chief has said the "exchange did not meet the level of professionalism expected on Ankney police officers." We'd certainly hope so, given that the officer had absolutely no right to try to get the driver to let him search the car for absolutely no reason whatsoever, unless there's some obscure law that says possession of frisbee golf paraphernalia is probable cause. (It's not. We checked.)

  Apparently, Officer King will be punished in some way -- just as soon as his department can locate him. Thanks to Wonkette tipster Robin for sending us this charming little tale of a cop who tried to violate the Fourth Amendment rights of the wrong damned stoner. We mean golfer. Of course.

•  "Celesbians." There's a word you probably didn't even know you needed, courtesy of the ever-tastefulNew York Post:

  “Girls’ night out” has taken on a very different meaning in the pop culture world lately.

  Everywhere you look, there’s a hot new lesbian romance. [...]

  It’s not just women who are coming out in droves, of course — but there’s an inherent cultural bias toward photos of hot ladies making out.

• If you are grossed out by the thought of spiders bleeding from the walls, or terrified suburbanites who'd buy a house on a golf course, you'll want to skip this story:  

  A family was driven from their suburban St. Louis home by thousands of venomous spiders that fell from the ceiling and oozed from the walls. [...]

  At a civil trial in St. Charles County in October 2011, University of Kansas biology professor Jamel Sandidge — considered one of the nation's leading brown recluse researchers — estimated there were between 4,500 and 6,000 spiders in the home.

• Oh, by the way, Rick Santorum is planning to run for president again. We are planning to laugh at him when he does not win. Again.

  “I’m doing everything right now as if I’m running,” he said. “So we’re moving forward and trying to line up supporters -- both grassroots and donors. We’re talking to folks who might be interested after the [midterm] election to come and help the team, so we’re starting to put the pieces together, but we’re not going to make the final decision until 2015.”

  Okay, Frothy, you do that. We'll get the NSFW jokes ready for you.