We Get It, Mitt Romney Still Wants To Be President, Still Will Never Be President

• Mitt Romney is subtle as a jackhammer. He's got his friends and family dropping all the hints, winking all the winks, and he's got the "liberal" "media" fluffing him like he's Ron friggin' Jeremy. For example:  

  Romney has huddled with prominent donors and reconnected with supporters in key states in recent months. Because of the vacuum of power within his party and the lack of a clear 2016 front-runner, confidants said Romney is grappling with this question: If drafted, would he answer the party’s call?

  Will Mitt be the Big Hero and save the Republican Party from itself so it doesn't end up with some completely bugfuck crazy person like Dr. Ben Carson or some incoherent moron like Sen. Marco "Big Gulp" Rubio as its nominee? Hey, isn't that exactly what Romney already did for the party in 2012? How did that work out again? We forget.

  People in Romney’s vast political orbit who are waiting and wishing on him to launch another campaign said Romney has done little to quiet them and has been hazy about his plans following next month’s midterm elections.

  Yeah. Um. See above re jackhammer. Wegetit. We got it in 2008, when he wanted to be president but did not get to be president. We got it in 2012, when he wanted to be president but did not get to be president. And we already get it for 2016, when he still wants to be president and still will not be president. Because nobody likes him. They never have. Even that craptastic documentaryMITTTTTTTT!!!!1!,which was supposed to make the Mitt-o-tron seem like it was made of actual human parts, just confirmed what we all knew about him already: He's an unlikable, unhuman jerk, and nobody likes him. Which is why he didn't win in 2008 or 2012 or (spoiler alert!) in 2016.

  That won't stop us from loving every single second of this charade, because we do enjoy us some good pointing and laughing at the expense of the GOP and especially Mitt. And we surely still have some car elevator jokes left in us. Also too Seamus. #NeverForget. 

  He, however, should never tell jokes because he is terrible at them and should not quit his day job. Oh. Right. He doesn't have one. Like a frickin' deadbeat moocher.

•  This story combines marriage equality and science, so it's basically perfect:

  While many researchers would use the opportunity to give a shout-out to their favorite celebrity, this team of scientists chose to highlight a human rights issue -- the fight for same-sex marriage legalization. [...]

  Co-author Yen-Chang Lee of Academia Sinica in Taipei said in a statement that he named the snail in honor of the diverse forms that a human family can take. [...]

  He and his team thought it fitting to use the snail -- which is a hermaphrodite, possessing sex characteristics associated with both male and female animals -- to support the cause.

• Cantor. Verb. To lose an impossible-to-lose seat like a big ol' loser. From the root, Eric Cantor (R-LOL):

  Former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor's (R-Va.) stunning upset primary loss in June to economics professor Dave Brat is still spooking Republicans, just weeks before the midterm elections.

  Staffers have now coined the term “Cantored”, meaning to lose in what is otherwise considered to be a safe, Republican-controlled seat.

  "Anyone who is in leadership or chairs a committee knows now that getting Cantored is a real possibility," said one senior staffer of a House Republican committee chairman who is up for reelection.

•  It's like the Titanic but without that crappy soundtrack:

  A return expedition to a thousands-year-old shipwreck off the coast of Greece this month yielded even more treasures aboard the ancient vessel. [...]

  The luxury Roman cargo ship was carrying treasures from Asian minor to Rome sank in bad weather somewhere between 70 and 60 B.C., according to io9.com.

  Greek sponge divers first discovered the site of the wreck over 100 years ago, the BBC reports.

  Early dives yielded remarkable treasures including bronze and marble statues, jewelry, glassware, furniture and the famed Antikythera Mechanism, an early, primitive computer. [...]

  "The evidence shows this is the largest ancient shipwreck ever discovered," Dr. Brendan Foley, co-director of the project, said in a press release. "It's the Titanic of the ancient world."

•  Damn millennials:  

  It’s also the largest generation in the United States and the most likely to vote Democratic when casting ballots. Among adults, half of millennials identify as Democrats or say they lean toward the party, compared with only 34% who say the same about Republicans, according to a Pew Research Center report.“Over the past 10 years Millennials have remained the most liberal and least conservative of the four generations, and the only generation in which liberals are not significantly outnumbered by conservatives,” the Pew report said.

  That could help Democrats nationwide at a time when the party’s hold in the Senate is tenuous. But enthusiasm toward Mr. Obama and Democratic candidates has waned since the last election and a poll this spring by Harvard’s Institute of Politics found that less than one-quarter of 18-29 year-olds said they would definitely vote in November.

•  Discuss: