GOP Will Give Pregnant Ladies 'Whatever It Is That We Can Offer' Except For One Little Thing

In the never-ending quest to prove that every member of the Republican Party is dumber than he (or she, there are like half a dozen chicks too!) looks, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus went onMeet The PressSunday to really drive the message home again some more again some more.

Chuck Todd, who is a Very Serious Journalist, opened the conversation by telling Priebus that the new new extra-new Republican rebranding plan -- this time, with ideas! -- sure does "sound great." That's journalism for ya. And then things just got weird, as both men demonstrated how terrible they are at their jobs.

CHUCK TODD: A court upheld a new law in Texas. One of the things about the Republican party is you don't like a lot of regulation on businesses, except if the business is a abortion clinic. 80% of these abortion clinics in Texas are going to be basically out of business because of this new law. Too much regulation, is that fair?

You know, that's actually a good question about the 5th Circuit's heinous decision last week to allow Texas to shut down almost all of the state's abortion clinics. It's the kind of question hysterical chicks will often rhetorically ask, their voices filled with sarcasm. If you care so much about keeping the government out of everything, WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MY VAGINA? Maybe Chuck has started reading the femosphere or something? We take back all the insults, Chuck. You're doing great at your new gig.

Priebus, of course, is doing as badly as he always does.

REINCE PRIEBUS: Well, you obviously have to talk to someone in Texas. But the fact of the matter is that we believe that any woman that's faced with an unplanned pregnancy deserves compassion, respect, counseling, whatever it is that we can offer to be --

(OVERTALK)

CHUCK TODD: But 80% of those clinics are gone. It's something that they have to drive 200 or 300 miles for that compassion?

You really have to admire the GOP's compassion, don't you? Sure is nice of the party to offer women facing unplanned pregnancies those forced vaginal ultrasounds, unnecessary waiting periods, and bogus "counseling" where people who are not medical professionals will tell women abortions will give them cancer and send them to hell. That is some kind of compassion, you betcha.

But if you think that sounds like a steaming pile of stupid, sit back and think of the weather, because it gets worse.

REINCE PRIEBUS: No, look, listen Chuck. The issue for us is only one thing. And that's whether you ought to use taxpayer money to fund abortion. That's the one issue that I think separates this conversation that we're having.

Oh reallllllly? Hey, didn't Priebusjustfinish saying that the Republican Party is all about helping women and giving them whatever they need, unless what they need is to not be pregnant, in which case, screw 'em because that's how compassion works? Except now, a whole no seconds later, therealissue is protecting taxpayers (who obviously cannot also be women) from having their precious pennies spent on things they do not like because (a) taxpayers weren't paying for anyone's abortions in Texas to begin with, and (b) the Constitution does not allow taxpayers to opt out of funding things they do not like.

Not that this absurd tired trope about how taxpayers shouldn't be forced to pay for abortions that taxpayers do not pay for anyway, even though theydopay for all sorts of things they might not like, is even relevant to the conversation. Priebus forgot to read his talking points before showing up to have a little chat with Chuck. The issue, according to the Texas legislature and the 5th Circuit, has nothing to do with taxpayers. Priebus was clearly confusing this law with the many other laws Republicans are always introducing -- like this one -- to protect the taxpayers from the abortion boogeyman. When your party spends so much time trying to stop women from exercising their legal rights, it sure is hard to keep track of the excuses, isn't it? Women's safety, precious babies, taxpayers, blah blah blah baloney blah.

In Texas, however, on this particular case the fellas are discussing like a couple of dudes who know what they're talking about, the issue issupposedlyprotecting women -- not the mutually exclusive group of taxpayers -- from the extreme danger of undergoing an abortion in a clinic that does not have code-compliant hospital beds or an emergency room around the corner, where the doctor performing the abortion must have admitting privileges,just in case. Of what? Stuff. Shut up.

Priebus then pivots to some classic generic Obama sucks-ing, which apparently is one of the New Ideas! the party is introducing to prove that it's not justagainststuff, it's alsoforstuff.

And so and the fact of the matter is, what this election is going to come down to, and I think we know it, is whether or not people feel better off today than they did four or five years ago, whether these Democrat senators followed this president lockstep, in spite of the fact that things aren't going in the right direction, whether it be ObamaCare, jobs, the economy, Keystone Pipeline, all of the above.

It's not working for him. So you can try to steer, talking about abortion again. But the fact of the matter is, if you're in Skagway, Alaska, you're thinking about the fact of why my life isn't better off today than it was when this senator was elected six years ago.

Ugh. Stop talking about abortion already, right? Especially when the Republican Party is trying to regulate it out of existence, but quietly, why do we even have to talk about it when there are more important issues, like Generic Stockphoto Resident in Skagway, Alaska.

But at least Chuck Todd, who is an excellent journalist and a serious one and will not let professional spinmeisters come on his show and spinhim, no sir, doesn't let Priebus off the hook with his complete misunderstanding of the issue in Texas or his strange claim that it'sObamawho won't stop yammering about abortion.

Haha, just kidding!

CHUCK TODD: Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican party, we'll be watching. Thanks for coming on Meet the Press.

Thankyou, gentlemen, for showing us once again why, if it's Sunday, it's another demonstration of why we can't have nice things.

[ NBC News ]