Of Course President Obama Is To Blame For the NFL Scandals Because Benghazi

• Not sure how President Obama and Benghazi are to blame for the NFL scandals? Our sweet little sister Happy Nice Time People connects the so-simple-it-must-be-true dots for you, via Kevin Sorbo the Hercules cosplayer and "expert" on "stuff":

  If you’ve been wondering what TV’s Hercules thinks about the recent NFL scandals, FOX News is standing by with the answer. Kevin Sorbo appeared on Outnumbered to assure you it’s all Obama’s fault. (But you knew that, of course. It’s exactly why you watch FOX News in the first place.)

  Sorbo’s argument -- lifted straight from the pages of National Journal -- demonstrates just how easily private companies can be damaged by big government in the eyes of conservatives. No direct action is required. The NFL finds itself in the middle of a crisis, says Sorbo, because President Obama is a bad role model. 

  “There’s no accountability in the White House with Benghazi, the IRS and all that kind of stuff,” he explained. “How do we expect to have accountability with something like a professional football team?”

  Is there video? You bet there's video! Go watch and have yourself a good laugh.

•  First world problems:  

  Local developer Jesse Herzog has solved a problem most of us didn’t know we had. It’s kind of a trend with him.

  Simply put, Herzog has created an alternative to the tired old hoodie-and-jeans look that permeates the lofts and startups of San Francisco techie culture. It is — wait for it — the “suitsy.”

  The suitsy is a pair of dress pants, a nice white shirt and jacket ... all sewn together. You step into it like a pair of mechanic’s coveralls, zip up the hidden zipper, and voila — you’re dressed for success.

• Maybe we did not inherit the war gene from our evolutionary ancestors after all?

  Proponents of this theory -- notably primatologist Richard Wrangham -- claim it is supported by observations of inter-community killings by chimpanzees, Pan troglodytes, our closest genetic relatives.

  Skeptics, including anthropologists Robert Sussman and Brian Ferguson, have pointed out that chimpanzee violence might be not an adaptation but a response to environmental circumstances, such as human encroachment. [...]

  The popularity of the deep-roots theory stems less from its merits than from the militarism of our culture. Ending war will be far easier if we take responsibility for our warlike ways and stop blaming them on evolution, genes and “human nature.”

• Who doesn't want to click on a headline like this? 

  State OKs sex toy auction for repayment of back taxes

  The Topeka Capital-Journal reports agents seized assets and inventory at businesses in Topeka, Wichita, Junction City and Kansas City, Kan. in July. The agency seized items from five adult stores operated by United Outlets LLC under the name Bang. [...]

  "It was simply a business that was not paying the taxes it normally owed, so we went through the steps we normally take," [Kansas Department of Revenue spokeswoman Jeannine] Koranda said.

  Thousands of adult DVDs, novelty items, lingerie and other products will be sold to the highest bidder.

  You know you wanna readthat. Go ahead. We'll wait for you.

• What's up, Seattle? You gonna do some drinky thing drinking tomorrow night with Yr Wonkette? Yes you are:

  When and where is this Seattle Drinky Thing and Sexy Twister Match going to occur? How about this Saturday, Sept. 27, 6-10 p.m., at the Rhino Room, 1535 11th Avenue, Seattle. We think that might be in Capitol Hill, but do not know because we are not overly familiar with Seattle because WE HATE IT.

  Also, we really are leaving at 10 p.m. this time instead of getting all liquored up and closing shit down like we did in SF, because the very next morning we are driving to Montana, with Shypixel, in our lesbian U-haul. As one does on a first date.

• If you've ever thought maybe that psycho you know really is a sociopath, here's a handy checklist to help you figure it out. You're welcome.