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Before Hollywood, girls had to read these to become lesbians.

Pat Robertson decided to open his frothy mouthhole and spew terrible advice to lonely self-hating shut-ins who still watch The 700 Club. On tap this time was a mother worried because her 21-year old daughter is a murderer rapist heathen Methodist LESBIAN!! What’s more, the parents had no idea:

“She is 21 and was always very feminine — this came out of nowhere,” the viewer lamented.

For serious, Pat! There was no butchness, she didn’t listen to Indigo Girls, and she didn’t even play softball! It was a TOTAL SHOCK because stereotypes.

Pat was also confused, possibly because he is an elevently-billion-year-old homophobic galactic dingleberry. He has some Very Serious Questions:

“But why is she that way?” he wondered. “Was she molested when she was younger?”

Jesus H. Christ blowing St. Peter, how many times do we have to go over the fact that molestation is not related to being gay? Some girls like girls, and some boys like boys, and some people will sleep with any goddam thing with a pulse, AND WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCKWAD.

But despite his confusion, the Good Lord What Hates Fags had some very sage thoughts for Pat to pass along, which sadly did not include the phrase Penis Homes:

“Well, the girl-on-girl movies more and more and more,” Robertson opined. “They’re getting straight actors, actresses to play lesbians. And straight men to play homosexuals.”

We didn’t know what Pat was talking about, so we spent the last three hours googling “girl on girl movies” and watching them in the Seekrit Chatcave. And who says bloggers don’t do research! The things we do for you, dear readers.

But dammit Hollywood, this is clearly your fault, because before all these straight actors were playing lesbians, there were no lesbians and you had to go and introduce that naughty naughty idea in the heads of women everywhere. Now all the ladies who have ever seen girl-on-girl anything are all lesbo-ed up, with their mullets and flannel shirts and Lilith Fair tickets and other stereotypes from 1993.

But Pat was not nearly done, because his addled mind is overflowing with putrid derp that sloshes out of his giant noggin:

“You need to love your daughter and give her a chance to work this out because if she gets deeper and deeper in it, sooner or later she is going to be disillusioned and say, ‘this is wrong, I want to come out of it,’” he added.

On the up side, hooray for telling a mother to love her daughter. Not really earth-shattering advice, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

The other option for the daughter is that she falls in love with a woman, and lives a happy, normal life. Maybe they move to a state where they can get married, and maybe they have babbies. Maybe not. Maybe they get divorced in a state that allows gay divorce. Who knows with kids these days? But homo-shaming her is probably bad parenting advice from a man who will spend eternity getting assfucked by hellish goblins in the darkest pit of hell, if there is any justice in this world and the worlds beyond.

Here’s the video, courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

[Raw Story / Right Wing Watch]

Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer). All the cool hellish goblins do it.

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