Fox Solves All Your Selfie Problems, Alaska Is REALLY Weird, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It's hump day. So, uh, hump something?

• While some people are upset about nekkid self-portraits (what the kids these days who should get off our lawn call "selfies") floating around the interwebs without their consent, Fox News has the perfect solution, as usual. Tell us what it is ,Fox & Friendshost Steve Doocy (he's the blond one, we think):

  Maybe the message pic is: don’t take naked pictures of yourself. Just stop…. There’s this thing called a mirror. If you want to see yourself naked, look in the mirror, don’t take a picture of yourself.

  Relatedly, if you don't want everyone to think the words coming out of your face hole are stupid and utterly beside the point, you should just say them to the mirror instead of on the teevee.

•  Awwwwwww . Sad face:

  Two Darren Wilson-supporting GoFundMe campaigns/internet hang-out spots for trolls and racists stopped taking donations over the weekend amid confusion about what the fundraisers could legally do with the money. Together, they've raised $433,170 since Michael Brown's death.

  Wow, raising money to support a police offer who killed an unarmed teenager hopped up on rap and marijuana sure is tough. We feel awful sorry for them. Just awful.

• The state of Up There In Alaska is weird. Really weird :

  Their arms raised and hands clasped in a victory embrace, Bill Walker and his new running mate, Byron Mallott, declared at a rally and press conference Tuesday that their race for Alaska’s chief executive would be non-partisan and inclusive.

  REALLY weird:

  Walker said he changed his party affiliation to “undeclared” from Republican, a move predicated by the Democratic Party to give the new ticket its support. Mallott resigned as the Democratic candidate for governor and will run as Walker’s candidate for lieutenant governor.

  For the complex deal to work, both Walker’s and Mallott’s running mates had to resign from their tickets. Craig Fleener, Walker’s running mate, was at the rally and press conference and acted as the master of ceremonies, introducing the candidates.

  Sen. Hollis French, Mallott’s running mate, was noticeably absent.

• TheWashington Post  will be Politico now or something:

  The Post announced Tuesday morning that [Jeff] Bezos is replacing Publisher Katharine Weymouth with [Frederick J.] Ryan, a former Reagan administration official who was part of the founding leadership team of Politico, a primarily digital news organization that competes with The Post on political coverage.

  The departure of Weymouth, 48, ends eight decades of Graham family leadership of The Post, which her great-grandfather bought in 1933. Bezos, who acquired The Post for $250 million in a sale announced in August 2013, initially kept the senior leadership team intact. He told Weymouth during a visit to Washington, on Aug. 18, that he had selected a new publisher, according to people familiar with the decision. She will remain on the company payroll as an adviser through the end of the year.

  Plus, also too, he is super innovative:

  In part, Ryan said, he wanted to make sure the Post targeted the early-morning web audience, a peak traffic time as people power up their computers and digital devices. That goal rang familiar with many in the newsroom, who know of Politico’s oft-stated mantra to “win the morning” with insider political news.

  News! In the morning! On the internets! It's so edgy. But more than anything, we can't wait to see how this improves the infamously sucktastic op-ed pages of thePost. With a former Reaganite at the helm, hopefully we will no longer have to endure the screeching Liberal Media agenda of George Will and Jennifer Rubin.

•  Be afraid . Be VERY afraid. Be 13 different kinds of afraid. The liberal agenda is COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!! (or something). 

  

• From our sweet little sister Happy Nice Time People:  Cee Lo Green would like women to know why it’s okay when he rapes them .

Your turn. What are you humping, er, reading today?