So this is a little awkward. Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett (R-Obviously, As You Shall See) has a swell idea to reach out to the ladies, because we all know how great Republicans are at that. (That’s sarcasm. Lots of sarcasm. ALL THE SARCASM.)
“I think a lot of people want to be able to walk into a grocery store, particularly, a lot of the women, want to go and buy a bottle of wine for dinner, go down, buy a 6 pack or two 6 packs, buy dinner and go home rather than what I described as 3 stops in Pennsylvania.”
We are in a real quandary here. On the one hand, yes, if we lived in Pennsylvania, we would love to be able to buy booze without making three stops. Or two stops. Hell, we’d want Uber but for bringing us booze in bed.
On the other hand … Holy freakin’ beer-guzzling Christ, TOM. Way to take a perfectly gender-neutral idea that would probably make you more popular with voters — which, in case you hadn’t noticed, you desperately need on account of how you are, according to the National Journal, officially Dead Man Walking because your whole state pretty much hates your guts — and turn it into the worst idea that drooled out of your facehole since the last time you said something.
Pennsylvania, for those of you who were not aware that some parts of the United States are still living in the 17th century, is one of those Blue Law states, where you have to buy your booze at the extra-special state-run booze-selling store. (Your humble authoress has lived in two such states, and yes, yes it DOES suck. Especially in those Blue Law states where you cannot buy booze on Sundays, so you have to actually plan your Sunday afternoon binge drinking ahead of time. For Jesus.)
Now, how Corbett’s teeny tiny little brain figured this was a Lady Issue is beyond us. Apparently, he is under the impression that the most pressing issue for the women of his state is how gosh darned hard it is to rush home and get barefoot in the kitchen to make dinner for The Men, what with all those stops they have to make first to be able to get their drink on while fixin’ dinner for The Men. Also, we are going to go out on a limb and guess that men also would like to be able to buy booze more easily-like? Here’s at least one guy who would like that, and he is not even A Lady!
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While we’re trading in stereotypes here, as a 31-year-old bachelor I’d like to be able to pick up a six-pack and a bottle of wine at a supermarket and take it home so I can order pizza.
In conclusion, we like your plan to make it more easier to buy booze, but we also think maybe you should screw yourself with a six-pack and make your own goddamned dinner, TOM. Because once the voters send you packing in November — which they are going to most definitely do — you’ll have plenty of time to do just that.