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Mark Fuhrman – Yes, MARK FUHRMAN! – Will Now Speculate At You About Michael Brown

Where in America can a retrograde, humiliated racist cop go for redemption 20 years after being cast out of decent society? Why, to Fox News of course! Which is lucky for Mark Fuhrman, infamous fuck-up from the O.J. Simpson trial of the mid-1990s. Otherwise he would be living a life of quiet obscurity, running a gas station or a bait shack in Idaho. Instead, he’s putting on a tie, getting Botox injected into his face, and going on the teevee to give his expert opinion on the Michael Brown shooting. Hooray for America, where anyone can get a second act.

Here is Fuhrman speaking to Megyn Kelly Wednesday night, speculating about the injuries that Officer Darren Wilson is rumored to have suffered during a struggle with Brown, and also on Brown’s motivations for certain actions that day. Our favorite part is around 3:25, when Fuhrman tries to over-dramatize the injuries that Wilson allegedly suffered during this terrible beating, fracturing his eye socket and “almost losing consciousness.” Yet somehow he still had the presence of mind to immediately get out of the car, pull his gun, order Brown to stop, and then put six bullets in him from 30 feet away.

Does this seem like a believable scenario to anyone who has ever suffered a blow to the head? Some years ago, Yr Wonkette wiped out on rollerblades and bounced our face off the Santa Monica boardwalk. Afterwards, we were disoriented for several minutes, and it took quite some time before our head cleared up enough that we could even stand up for more than 30 seconds. And all we had was a bloody nose! Had we been punched in the face hard enough to fracture our eye socket and nearly lose consciousness, the person who punched us would have been in Altadena before we would have thought to do anything. Of course, we’re not trained supercops like Darren Wilson and Mark Fuhrman. Maybe if we had been, we would have pulled out our Glock and put a few rounds into that stupid boardwalk.

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Also stay tuned for the second half of the video, when Megyn is much tougher on the civil rights lawyer who disputes Wilson’s story, because it’s Fox News and they are terrible.

Seriously, Mark Fuhrman. Gonna be shaking our head over that until it flies off.

[Fox News]

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Hola wonkerados.

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