Greatest Rocker In Universe Ted Nugent Wings On His Jet To Headline The Toledo Rib Jam

Now that Ted Nugent has taught Native Americans how to be Native American like him, Ted Nugent, he is done with those stinkyass unclean dipshit Indians whining about how the White Man "stole their land," and doesn't even think about them anymore. He's got no time for their negative loser bullshit, "WAAAH, YOU GENOCIDED US," buck the fuck up, Whatever The Casually Racist Term for "Native American Friend" might be! Oooh, perhaps is it kemo sabe? Does "kemo sabe" work?

Regale us, gentle troubador, with soft whispers of Ohio-based pleasures to come:

"WE ARE ON OUR JET NOW HEADING FOR TOLEDO RIBFEST JAM AFTER AN INSANE INCREDIBLE OUT OF BODY ULTRAROCKOUT at the Full Throttle Saloon in Sturgis SD! Simply astonishing gig! 4 stinkyass unclean dipshit protestors that admitted they hate me AND ALL WHITE PEOPLE THAT STOLE THEIR LAND BULLSHIT!! See, it aint me they hate, they hate all Americans that produce & live the American Dream. Simply insane!"

We will just leave that "simply insane" right there and move on to our point.

We too also, like Ted Nugent, know that living the American Dream is probs at least 66-67 percent made up of getting to call people "subhuman vermin" and telling the black president to eat our gun and promising CBS producers we will rape them to prove that we're a hell of a nice guy and generally being better at civil rights than Rosa Parks and better at being Indian than all the Indians. The other 33, 34 percent or so are probably "really nice skin creams."

Any gent who is better at Motown than Motown KNOWS that African Americans have a pathology, and that Native Americans are whiners who should shut up about the Rez. When you are on your jet headed for TOLEDO RIBFEST JAM then you too will stop being taker 47% mooches who protest like stinkyass* unclean dipshits because you're gnawing your shriveled soul with envy at Ted Nugent's success. Is there a higher pinnacle of American Dream than the TOLEDO RIBFEST JAM!!!!1! for America's -- nay, the world's! -- greatest purveyor of the Gift of Erato? We believe, gentle Wonker, there truly is not.

*We are aware you will be discussing Mr. Nugent's level of buttular hygiene in the comments.

**Ted Nugent would never use the gauche colloquialism "hatin'" because Ted Nugent is a gentleman, unlike some smug New Yorker-readers what are bad at talking who we know.

[ MediaMatters, via Rawstory ]