BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars

Here we go again. Another House committee, controlled by Republicans, has issued yet another wackadoodle report about BENGHAZI. Are we going to finally find out that President Obama was taking body shots off of Hillary at the time of the attack, laughing about telling everyone to "stand down"? What kind of conspiracy-tinged bullshit will be served up this time? 

The House Intelligence Committee, led by Republicans, has concluded that there was no deliberate wrongdoing by the Obama administration in the 2012 attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya.

See, ain’t that some bullsh… hold on a second. This sounds… what’s the word we are looking for? The one that has never been used to describe any Republican in the past few years? Ah yes: This sounds sane. Let’s sanesplore.

It seems that the House Intelligence Committee, despite being weighed down by Michele Crazy-Eyes, has managed to issue a factual report. And there’s more sane-sounding, reality-based facts in the report! We are almost too shocked to keep reporting this:

"There was no 'stand-down order' given to American personnel attempting to offer assistance that evening, no illegal activity or illegal arms transfers occurring by U.S. personnel in Benghazi, and no American was left behind."

Whaa? But the bastion of Truth and Liberty, The Congressional Jester himself, knew – just knew – that there had been a stand-down order given. Not six months ago, cosmic shitstain Rep. Darrell Issa said:  

“I have my suspicions, which is Secretary Clinton told Leon [Panetta] to stand down, and we all heard about the stand-down order for two military personnel. That order is undeniable.”

Undeniable, sheeple. It cannot be denied. Denying it would be UNPOSSIBLE! The House Intelligence Committee, after a two-year investigation, has now done the impossible! Damn, we wonder how Issa feels, being bitch-slapped by his own colleagues. We now expect Issa to issue a full apology to Clinton, Panetta, and all human beings for simply existing and wasting precious space and oxygen that would be better used for literally any other possible thing.

But wait! The House Intelligence Committee (which, we remind you, is led by Republicans) has EVEN MORE:

The administration's process for developing "talking points" was "flawed, but the talking points reflected the conflicting intelligence assessments in the days immediately following the crisis."

But but but… we thought that fixing the talking points was a giant conspiracy led by the Administration to cover up Bumfuck Nobummer's murder of Ambassador Stevens, JFK, Vince Foster, and his role in shooting the sheriff (but not the deputy)?!?!?!! Apparently, given that there was an attack and a crisis, there were conflicting intelligence assessments, which is not all that surprising during chaotic environments like what happened.

Given that this report, based on TWO YEARS of investigation by a REPUBLICAN-LED Committee, pretty much exonerates the Obama Administration ( once again ) can we finally put this conspiracy bullshit to rest? Are we done with this desperate attempt to (ab)use the deaths of four Americans on foreign soil to falsely blame the Obama Administration of wrongdoing?

OF COURSE NOT, SILLY! This is not the end, because the GOP Leadership, in kowtowing to the fucknut crazy wing of the party, created that stupid Benghazi Select Committee, led by Issa-wannabe assclown Trey Gowdy. And he is planning on going full steam ahead, calling more witnesses and wasting time and taxpayer monies on this ridiculous exercise:

The special House committee investigating the 2012 terrorist attacks in Benghazi will hold its first public hearing in September about changes the State Department has made to better protect diplomats, U.S. Rep. Trey Gowdy said.

How important is this committee? Apparently the mostest important thing in the world, because the House GOP wants to spend more on this committee than on the Veteran’s Affairs committee. Because scoring political points at the expense of dead Ambassadors is more important that healing the veterans who come back from the war that the GOP recklessly drove us into. Huzzah, democracy at work!

[ SF Gate / Washington Post / Greenville Online ]

 Follow DDM on Twitter ( @Wonksplainer ), where he uses every opportunity to call Darrell Issa a cosmic shitstain.