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MadAboutAThingDon’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot.

Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand years ago or whenever the first wave of feminism started, who knows, history is a man thing, and I don’t like to crowd my lady brain space with man things because I’m a lady, goddamnit, I’d much rather let men keep track of that stuff so I can focus on SHOOOOOOOOES. But look. We get to vote. We’ve been able to have credit in our very own lady names for a whole 40 years. We have the right to go to doctors (sometimes) and receive Jesus-approved health care (sometimes), and all we have to do is listen to some sidewalk counseling about how we are murdering babies like the baby-murdering whores we are, which is TOTALLY not a big deal at all, so long as those sidewalk counselors don’t try to kill us or our doctors, but hey, if we didn’t want to be killed, we wouldn’t be there in the first place, and you know how freedom isn’t free so it is definitely totally not a big deal at all.

Fortunately, for the stupid feminists out there who just do not get why feminism is bad, there is a hot new trend on the internets of ladies fighting against ladies who fight for ladies. Let’s call them the Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary — or Lamers for short.

I’m sure it’ll catch on eventually. (Fun fact: This is not a new trend, actually, because ever since the first lady had the audacity to open her mouth and say words, there was some other lady who opened her mouth to tell the first lady to shut up, ladies shouldn’t even open their mouths. That’s also how irony was born. Now you know.)

On the tumblr dot com, some lady who apparently is the founder of this new loose association of Lamers typed out a whole MANifesto explaining why she is against feminism, and it as reasonable, fact-based, and persuasive as you’d expect. Like “Equal Rights exist, right now,” and also “feminism is about censorship” because of how non-anti-feminist chicks react to Facebook comments, and (this might be my favorite), “there is no ‘patriarchy’ because a real patriarchy would not allow women to vote, divorce, go to college, have a career, live single, get abortions, etc.”

In case you remain unconvinced because you are some kind of angry Facebook-commenting feminist who refuses to accept that you already have all your rights, duh, you can check out all these totes adorbs women who have a really firm grasp on what feminism is explaining why they also are women against feminism because for REASONS.

I don’t need FEMINISM for any reason!

Okay, well, she doesn’t actually have reasons. But some of them do!

I don’t need feminism because I’ve seen the destruction the feminist movement has caused. SORRY! I can’t think of one instance where the actions of the feminist movement HAVEN’T resulted in more destruction and violence.

Oh, sweetie, show us on the doll where feminism touched you, while I refresh your memory on some instances of the feminist movement that were maybe not so destructive and violent, like that time feminists fought for the right to vote, and that time feminists fought for the right to not hand their monies and properties over to their husbands just because their dads sold them to their husbands, and the time feminists fought for equal pay to be the law, although we’re still working out the kinks on making it a real law employers actually have to follow.

Although when you think about it, seriously, who even needs equal pay? That is just some more destructive feminist lunacy, which is totally unnecessary now because women already HAVE all the equality. Like this one lady says:

I don’t need feminism to perpetuate the myth that twenty-first century women are oppressed. I’m a show-don’t-tell kind of gal, and I show my daughter the truth. As our family’s primary breadwinner. As a small business owner. As a woman with three science degrees. I don’t need feminism teaching her hate or discouragement. (That’s what the mainstream media is for.) I don’t need feminism because a movement that tells me I am limited by what’s between my legs does NOT advocate for me.

Do you guys think we should tell her how it is even possible that she can have a job, own a business, and earn those science degrees or nah? (Hint: It is feminism.)

Here is another lady against ladies who are for ladies, with some even more solid reasoning, and super solid writing skills.

I DON’T NEED MODERN “FEMINISM” BECAUSE I…DON’T NEED OTHERS TO FIGHT MY BATTLES FOR ME. … BELIEVE IN EARNING THINGS FOR MYSELF … BELIEVE IN PROVING I AM WORTHY OF WHAT I WANT, AND NOT EXPECTING THEM TO BE HANDED TO ME BECAUSE I FEEL ENTITLED. [All ellipses in original because she is good at the punctuation.]

She does have a point, which is why I assume she has opted out of the entitlement of using the 19th Amendment right to vote because she’d rather just fight for that right her own self, without it being handed to her, take that “feminism.”

There are many many many soooo many more examples, but I think this smart take really nails it.

I don’t need feminism because I can think for myself.

So snap! Many burn! This anti-feminist is so able to think for herself that she has contributed to this Lamer meme by posting a super original idea along with all the other super original ideas because that is how she thinks for herself. Point, match, game, bitches.

In case that is not enough to make you sick forever, you can check out ladies on The Twitters who are also #WomenAgainstFeminism because they are smart and independent and rape culture is a myth and feminists are SO MEAN and won’t someone PLEASE think of the men for once?

I do not know about you, but I sure am grateful these ladies have ladysplained me straight. Stupid me, I used to think feminism — you know, that whole radical notion that women are people and maybe should be treated as such, which, yes, is matter of debate these days STILL, even though it is the year 2014 and shit Jesus, we are arguing STILL about whether women really are people — was a good thing. But now, thanks to some ladies who posted their shove-it-feminists selfies, I get it now. Organized movements devoted to making life better for, like, a whole bunch of people, or women, is just so passé. REAL women don’t need that kind of help. They can pull themselves up by their own bra straps, thank you very much, and the only kind of women who think maybe we are not quite done yet fighting for the idea that women are people are, like, so dumb and also probably ugly too, let’s face it, the only reason women are compelled to fight for equality is because they are ugly and just need a man or something like that, I don’t know, I don’t quite get that part yet, but I’m sure some anti-feminist lady will post a thing soon to explain that too.

I realize that some ladies on the internet think these Lamers are, you know, LAME, and why don’t they understand how feminism has benefitted them and continues to benefit them, even if they do not realize it? We should do some hashtag activism or something to be all “NUH UH” because that’ll learn ’em. But actually, I support these ladies who are against ladies who support ladies. If they would like to opt out of all the equality handouts they don’t need in the first place, good. Who even wants to share all of our awesome misandrist powers and privileges with them anyway? We are thiiiiiiiis close to killing the patriarchy forever with our overabundance of “rights” and “equality,” and once we do, I don’t think any of the ladies who are for ladies will want to take governing advice from ladies against ladies who are ladies. Let them stay home and make sammiches. When we eradicate men forever, we ladies who are for ladies will probably be hungry.

Follow Kaili Joy Gray on Twitter. You don’t even need any reasons.

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