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Catholic Mommy Bloggers Explain Why They Don’t Like Or Understand Birth Control

Another good reason to use birth control

A couple weeks back, Buzzfeed posted photos of its employees explaining why they used birth control. It’s a lot of the old, tired “I deserve a say in what happens to my body and my life,” and “I take birth control for my endometriosis” blah-blah-blah we’ve come to expect from the man-hatin’ pro-abortion left.

Well, the mommy bloggers at Catholic Sistas weren’t going to take this Buzzfeed thing lying down, if you catch our drift, and we think you do. They posted their own “Why I Don’t Use Birth Control” piece, and it is just a barrel full of monkeys.

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As Catholics, we should know and understand that any form of contraception is against our faith teaching. It not only interferes with being open to life but it interferes with our openness to our spouse and to God. [...] Several of us have decided to write a response to [the aforementioned Buzzfeed article], sharing some of the health risks associated with the use of birth control as well as other reasons we opt not to use it.

Let’s sexxxplore, shall we?

At least one of the bloggers at Catholic Sistas seems to believe not only in the Holy Ghost but also in other magical forces (all bolded text in original).

“Because my fertility is my superpower.”

Yr Wonkette assumes that Catholic Sistas endorses swift Bible-based justice for this sorceress, lest she turn us into a newt. No word yet on whether Professor Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters will offer her refuge.

Other Catholic Sistas prefer the Jenny McCarthy approach to peer-reviewed science.

“For the same reasons I don’t expose myself to formaldehyde, asbestos, arsenic, radon, phosphorus and other such things…. because they are class 1 Carcinogens- poison.”

“Because I spend too much time and money on organic, non-GMO and hormone free foods to fill my body with hormonal birth control.”

“Because it’s preposterous to complain about large pharmaceutical corporations and hormones in your meat and then pump yourself full of chemicals to take yourself out of the gene pool because they told you you’d have fewer period cramps.”

CHEMICALS!!!1! Watch out for those chemicals, ladies, who knows what they’ll do? Certainly not scientists or doctors, that’s for sure.

Still other Catholic Sistas chose to co-opt the language of feminism, so who’s laughing now, third-wavers?

“Because it perpetuates the objectification of women as worthless sexual objects, constantly at the disposal of men in our commodity driven culture.”

“Because I don’t need to turn off my womanhood in order to be a feminist.”

“Because ‘I am woman, hear me roar!’”

That last one came with a photo, as did a few others.

HELEN REDDY LIBUL!

Catholic Sistas in numbers too big to ignore.

The original Buzzfeed list limited each female employee to a single reason in a single photo, but Catholic Sistas doesn’t believe in restricting a woman’s autonomy like that. Here’s one Catholic Sista who submitted a holy trinity of images explaining why she doesn’t use birth control.

We agree!

We agree!

Okay then?

Okay then?

Consequences schmonsecuences

Glad to hear your life and career are in a good place.

There were also strong indications that while the Catholic Sistas don’t have the strongest grasp of statistics, they are among the leading innovators in the field of post hoc reasoning.

“Because of the NFP [Natural Family Planning] divorce rate stats (less than 2%).”

“Because I cannot imagine one of my children not existing.”

“Because I don’t want my children to ever think I didn’t want them.”

Are there moral scolds among the Catholic Sistas? Do they adopt the passive-aggressive tone that so often typifies modern American Catholicism? Does the Pope wear a…well, you know.

“Because I am responsible and make mindful decisions, accepting the consequences to every action I make.”

“Because I don’t need anything to control me, I can control myself.”

“Because immediate gratification without consequence is not the highest good.”

There’s more. There’s so much more. You should read them for yourself, and say hi for us while you’re there.

[Catholic Sistas]

Follow Dan on Twitter. He tweets with a golden cup in his hand, filled with abominable things and the filth of his adulteries.

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Hola wonkerados.

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