clearly a graduate of Cobra training camp

Astonishingly, Militia Effort To Patrol Texas Border May Be Poorly Organized

A well regulated clusterfuck being necessary to a good militia story...Remember the Great Big Secure Our Border operation that some Texas gun-humper militia guys were putting together to protect America from Guatemalan children? WELL! Turns out that the operation is maybe not going so well, and the group’s leader, “Commander” Chris “Threepercenter” Davis, has sort of disappeared himself from the interwebs. This development will surely come as a complete surprise to anyone who was impressed by such spectacular successes as the million-trucker rally and Operation American Spring, both of which paralyzed Washington DC and forced Barack Obama to resign.

Barbie Rogers, who runs the Patriots Information Hotline website that is helping to organize the operation, told the San Antonio Express-News that “Commander” Davis had to do a Dick Cheney “secure location” kind of thing because Saving America Is Serious Business:

“The commander (Davis) has gone black because of security threats,” said Barbie Rogers, founder of the Patriots Information Hotline, which offers 24-hour service and is helping the group organize.

Rogers, based in Arkansas, declined to detail the “threats” but said the militias have garnered “tons of interest” during the past three weeks. She said the hot line is averaging 97 calls per hour.

In other words, Davis has taken down his FacePlaceSpace page and his YouTube account, and cancelled interviews with Fox News and a wingnut podcast called the “Truth Broadcast Network,” (autoplay conspiracy-theory audio at link), possibly because of security threats from robotic assassins or Manchurian Candidates on the Fox staff. We’re betting Keith Ablow.

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Harry Link, host of the conspiracy-theory show that Davis cancelled on, was not pleased, and thinks that Davis is probably doing a false-flag “psyops” campaign to maybe make the anti-government movement look silly or something, asking, “Have you seen a single photograph of the militias on the borders? Because I have not.”

And Davis is not especially liked by super-duper Patriot Guy Mike Vanderboegh,* one of the founders of the target="_blank">“Three Percenter” movement, which the SPLC describes as

a loosely organized movement centered around an obscure, and not particularly accurate, Revolutionary War “statistic” that claimed that only 3% of the American population during the Revolutionary War participated as combatants in the war.

On his blog, Vanderboegh dismissed Davis’s little attempt to replace the Border Patrol as a “cluster coitus in the making” and called Davis and his crew (if any) “So-called ‘Three-Percenters,’” which had to sting — You’ve got to bet that after getting chastised like that, Chris Davis will stop pretending to be a militia leader and leave the serious business of protecting America to the REAL pretend militia leaders.

You may also be astonished to learn, according to RawStory, that “Commander” Davis got shitcanned from the U.S. Army “under other than honorable conditions in lieu of trial by court martial.” But we bet that whatever reason the Army had for that discharge, it was probably completely fake, just like what happened to the A-Team.

Elsewhere in Miltia News, you’ll be glad to know that Reuters is reporting that a whole bunch of other self-proclaimed militias are also preparing their very own border-protection missions, including the Minuteman Project, which announced that it’s training for something it’s calling “Operation Normandy,” which if you think about it kind of sounds like they’re casting themselves as the Germans on D-Day. You have to wonder if they ever ask themselves if they’re the baddies.

*Just to make sure you have a Wonket link to all this, Vanderboegh also wrote a really stupid-sounding novel that allegedly motivated those Geezer Terrorists in Georgia back in 2011. Small crazy world, innit?

[SPLC & MySanAntonio.com via RawStory / Reuters]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He’s still trying to figure out whether disorganized lunatics with guns are more or less dangerous than organized lunatics with guns.

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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