Rick Perry Won't Meet With That Obama Varmint, Unless'n He Does

Rick Perry ain't gonna meet with no "president" of these here Yoonited States just to have a photo op-pur-tunity on the tarmac, no sir! If'n he meets the "president" it ain't gonna be for huggin' an' smoochin' like that ol' pantywaist Chris Christie. No, he is gonna meet with the "president" for REAL only, sittin' down as peers while Rick Perry splains the border, and Rick Perry is so adamant about this, he done made sure to release a statement about how he told the "president" to stick his photo opportunity where the sun don't shine. (That would be "in Rick Perry's butt," Bob.)

Well, the Daily Caller is here to make some happy in its pants about how a REAL MAN governs a state: with his finger in the "president's" face while hootin' and hollerin' about how he ain't gonna meet no varmints, no sir. Unless, after all the puffin' and blowin', well, unless he does.

Reading the Daily Caller's breathless, heaving romance novel about the dustup -- from our old pal Patrick Howley, who is no stranger to breathless, heaving sexxxiness -- you would be forgiven for assuming, based on the pre-come Howley oozed all over your screen, that Rick Perry is being a total fucking asshole:

• Perry’s refusal to play along with a cute bipartisan White House photo op — in which an effective Republican governor would have had to greet an ineffective globe-trotting Democratic president like some kind of emasculated butler — at least showed some cojones.

• Why should the governor of one of our largest and most important states have to play along with a president that blamed an al-Qaida attack on a YouTube video or joked about Obamacare’s damage to American citizens on a lame Internet comedy show? Why should Rick Perry have to play his part in Obama’s running cult of personality?

• Christie could have at least blamed his moment of indignity on a need to get federal funding for his state by playing politics (he didn’t, instead perpetuating the falsehood that Obama was doing a “good job” during the storm). But Perry doesn’t need to play that game. Perry needs to manage Obama’s current crisis at the border, where our president is intentionally losing James Polk’s war of 1846-1848 (even after, as Dinesh D’Souza notes, we gave them back half the land we won in that war).

Then there's a bunch of stuff about the IRS, and Obama being a race hustler (because Daily Caller) and this weird thing?

Even in the earliest days of this administration, the media didn’t report the truth about how the White House was telling Americans to report on their anti-Obamacare neighbors and send secret reports on their fellow citizens to flag@whitehouse.gov.

Lolwhut? Anyhoo, so you figger Rick Perry's just being a total cock right? 

“I appreciate the offer to greet you at Austin-Bergstrom Airport, but a quick handshake on the tarmac will not allow for a thoughtful discussion regarding the humanitarian and national security crises enveloping the Rio Grande Valley in South Texas,” Mr. Perry wrote in a letter to the president Monday. “I would instead offer to meet with you at any time during your visit to Texas for a substantive meeting to discuss this critical issue.”

Oh. Well that seems kind of fair actually. You're THERE ANYWAY, BAMZ, don't be that guy who's just doing fundraisers, for fuck's sake, OPTICS. 

And that's why Barack Obama and Rick Perry are meeting on Wednesday, per NBC, so we guess Patrick Howley's peener and scrot can retract again inside his belly, where they belong.

[ DailyCaller / WSJ / NBC ]