PA High School Principal Cancels 'Spamalot' After Gay Wedding Turns Him Into A Newt

Moral scolds in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania, have triumphed over the linked evils of the Homosexual Agenda and Musical Theater, cancelling a student production of Monty Python's Spamalot that had been planned for Spring 2015. Parents complained that the play's material -- based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail -- was inappropriate for students at the combined junior-senior high school because it included a same-sex wedding scene, but if any comedy is more purely adolescent than that of Monty Python, we don't want to know what it is.

Drama department director Dawn Burch said that she was informed of the decision to say Ni! to the production by an email from Principal Jesse Smith, who explained that conservative communities like South Williamsport simply do not have any homosexuals anyway, and certainly not any who are legally allowed to marry. From this, and from his insistence that his favorite colour is "blue... no, yellow!" we can only conclude that Principal Smith is quite simply a HUGE ... tract of land.

Schools superintendent Mark Stamm didn't reply directly to a question from ThinkProgress about Smith's assertion, but did say that since the drama classes include students in grades 7 through 12,

"We want our performances to be appropriate for the student performers and audiences so that anyone participating or watching can enjoy all aspects of the show.”

And heaven knows, any play featuring an effeminate prince who'd rather sing than get married is clearly inappropriate for South Williamsport. Sadly, rights to the musical adaptation of Triumph of the Will appear to have expired.

Students at the high school told a local TV news station that they actually knew gay people, but you know how young folks make stuff up just to get attention. They're also prone to acting out, and to rattling off dialogue from Monty Python routines, so it's probably just as well that the play has been canceled. The less these innocent young folks in this gay-free town hear about Teh Ghey, the less risk that they will become gay, and so they can indulge their affinity for musical theater without causing their parents any discomfort.

You know, this whole ridiculous situation would make for a pretty good play. We don't want to write dick jokes on a blog anymore! We want to write for the theatre! Or be a LUMBERJACK! We feel a song coming on...

[ Think Progress via RawStory ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He once interviewed at a school where the previous English teacher had been fired after staging Deathtrap, but removing all the gay references. It was still too gay for the school board.