When he was a pimply high school freshman, Yr. Doktor Zoom resided for a while in Lake Havasu City, that blighted hellscape where the London Bridge ended up as a tourist attraction. This was in the mid-1970s, before the place became a Spring Break Drunkenness destination for a few MTV-driven years. And one thing that he noticed back then was that at just about any time of the day, he could look up and see an airliner contrail stretching across the sky, since the city is smack dab under the route jets fly from Los Angeles to Eastern destinations. Strangely, it never once occurred to the 14-year-old Zoom, while hiding from the 110 degree heat, reading Frank Herbert’s Dune and drinking instant iced tea (Herbert’s spice will always smell like powdered Lipton’s with lemon), to assume that those transcontinental flights were actually spraying dangerous chemicals that were modifying the weather, controlling our minds, and sapping and impurifying our precious bodily fluids. Apparently, that is a concern for a sizeable number of Lake Havasu City residents, and they have prevailed on state Sen. Kelli Ward to hold a public meeting this Wednesday to address their concerns about a thing that does not actually exist: Chemtrails. Ward hopes that a bit of information from the Arizona Department of Environmental Quality (ADEQ) will help answer their very serious concerns, which suggests that she really has very little experience with chemtrails people. We wish her luck!
Sen. Ward says that there’s been a lot of demand for straight talk about chemtrails, although god only knows whether the meeting will satisfy that demand:
Ward said she has received a lot of communication from constituents who feel they are not being listened to and aren’t confident in the air and water testing being conducted in the area. She said some of her constituents have questioned a connection between the chemtrails and a heightened level of certain minerals in their blood.
“They are concerned because many of them have had blood work, and they are concerned about our air and water, so I want ADEQ (the Arizona Department of Environmental Quality) to come out and reassure them,” Ward said.
Ward said she is confident that the air and water in Mohave County are safe and pointed to naturally occurring minerals that could account for heightened levels of mercury and other minerals in blood tests.
“I have gotten a lot of communications from people who are concerned and there has been a sense that no one has been doing anything for them to address those concerns,” she said. “I can’t do field tests on the water, but I can connect them to the people who do.”
We suppose that wanting to reassure people that they’re not being bombarded by super secret weather control (or mind-control) chemicals from 35,000 feet may be an admirable impulse, but it also strikes us that Ward is missing out on an important part of the problem: She’s going to have a government sciencey person talking to people who believe that they are in fact being bombarded by super secret weather-control (or mind-control) chemicals from 35,000 feet. It’s a given that anyone from state government is in on the cover-up. We feel sorry for the poor folks from the ADEQ who have to give that presentation — but we sure wish we could be there, too.
Mark Schaffer, a spokesperson for ADEQ, said that the department regularly fields calls and emails from people convinced that condensation of water from jet exhaust is actually a nefarious plot, and that “Our standard response has been that there is no credible scientific evidence about chemical spraying or geoengineering.” So that ought to satisfy the conspiracy folks real good.
Also, for balance, the credulous idiots at the Lake Havasu Herald talked to a couple of local residents about their concerns:
[You] don’t have to look far to find Havasu and Mohave County residents who think there are still questions to be answered and concerns to be addressed. Small business owner Robert Hunter, 31, of Havasu is one of those residents.
“There’s a lot of conspiracy theories about chemtrails and they may or may not be true,” Hunter said. “But when it comes down to it, the government isn’t telling us everything. We have a right to know what’s going on, and there’s definitely something going on.”
Hunter said he can only speculate on what the chemtrails are being used for but pointed to a variety of sources that he said suggests the chemtrails could be related to climate control. He also said he has seen chemtrails when he has traveled outside of the state.
“I’ve read that chemtrails can change weather patterns,” Hunter said. “I do believe that there’s global warming because of nuclear testing, space shuttles, etc. So I think there is some kind of combat happening to keep temperatures normal.”
That’s really some weapons-grade stupid there. Sure, global warming’s real, and it’s caused by space shuttles and nuclear tests, and the government is spraying chemicals from commercial airliners all the time to combat it. But to suggest that CO2 emissions are responsible, now THAT’S just wacky alarmism. The paper also dug up another expert on the topic, who has done some real good science thinking about the whole issue:
Jennifer Cramer of Havasu said she’s noticed chemtrails in town for about two years.
“Every time they do chemtrailing there is some dramatic change in the weather. I noticed it this weekend and then it got very windy,” Cramer said. “I’m not a scientist and I don’t know what’s in the (chemtrails). I think we have a right to know instead of worry about it every day.”
Frankly, we’re not sure whether we’re more annoyed with Sen. Ward for feeding the trolls, or with the dopes at the Herald for their credulous reporting. Best part of the story: their completely at-face value photo and caption accompanying the story:
We think that journalistic standards may have declined at the Herald since its glory days in 1977, when it at least had reliable movie times for the town’s one theater.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He could really go for some powdered iced tea mix right about now.