Wall Street Douche Sues Goldman Sachs Because $8 Million Bonus Was Too Small

Here is a story in which everyone is terrible! This trader suing Goldman Sachs because his $8.25 million bonus wasn't big enough is awful. Goldman Sachs is Goldman Sachs. How Occupy didn't end up with heads piked in front of their barricades, the savage and bloodthirsty revolutionary dictator Elizabeth Warren riding a chariot pulled by stockbroker slaves, remains a mystery.

Let us try to parse who is worse. (Hahahaha, it is unpossible, everyone is equally shitty.)

Deeb Salem is this guy, used to be a trader for Goldman Sachs. He is very very mad that he only got an $8.25 million bonus in 2010, instead of the $15 million he'd raked in the year before. Why, a dude at a cocktail party told him that he was a steal at $15 mill, and that is part of his evidence as he sues Goldman Sachs for an additional $16 million, because he would like $16 million please. Here, just look at this evidence, because also the evidence is about a mom:

In January 2011, Salem told his mother, who was staying with him because her house had burned down on Christmas, that he expected at least $13 million for 2010, according to the transcript. That was based on the fact that his mortgage-trading desk generated about the same amount of revenue in 2010 as it did the previous year and that Justin Gmelich, a credit trading executive, told him at a cocktail hour that he was a “steal” at $15 million, Salem said.

CASE CLOSED, $16 MILLION PLS.

Goldman Sachs is Goldman Sachs. They say bonuses are up to them to determine, which seems likely (?), but then also they are Goldman Sachs, and so should lose on principle. But Deeb Salem should also lose on principle, because seriously fuck that guy. Mr. Salem, why do you believe your bonus was docked? Oh, because in your self-evaluation you bragged about ripping off the subprime loan market, and that led to the Senate being mean to your bosses, and then your bosses punished you by halving your bonus?

Fucking waaah dude, you are the worst.

There should not be a lawsuit over who gets $16 million, Deeb Salem or Goldman Sachs. There should be a lawsuit over which of you should be IN JAIL.

[ Bloomberg, via Wonket operative "Jim"]