Dr. Mehmet Oz, (who knew he had a first name?) the ubiquitous teevee shiller of weight-loss supplements and One Weird Tricks, got to take a trip up to Capitol Hill yesterday to get yelled at by some senators for his ceaseless flogging of fraudlicious miracle extracts. Dr. Oz did not appear to have enjoyed the experience one little bit, because if Dr. Oz can’t extol the virtues of Green Tea or Green Coffee or Green Beans or Green Machine extracts, his soul will shrivel up and die.
At a Commerce, Science and Transportation subcommittee hearing led by Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.) on deceptive advertising for weight loss products, the “Dr. Oz Show” host stood his ground as senators piled on, demanding that he stop endorsing such products as “Pure Green Tea.”
“I don’t get why you need to say this stuff, because you know it’s not true,” McCaskill said.
“The scientific community is almost monolithically against you in terms of the efficacy of the products you called ‘miracles,’” McCaskill told Oz.
Nuh-uh, says Dr. Oz. because if you just close your eyes and wish real hard, your weight loss dreams totally can come true, and also too maybe you will get a pony. Oh, and who needs silly things like “facts” anyway?
“I actually do personally believe in the items that I talk about on the show,” said Oz, a Columbia University professor.
“I recognize that oftentimes they don’t have the scientific muster to present as fact. I would give my audience the advice I give my family all the time, and I have given my family these products.”
Dude, you are a DOCTOR. And A PROFESSOR. OF MEDICINE. You are kind of exactly the person that we want dwelling on facts rather than things that you personally believe in. Also, we think “don’t have the scientific muster to present as fact” is one of the most weaselly ways of putting something we have ever heard.
But listen! says Dr. Oz. It is in his nature, his very marrow, his very Green Tea Extract-filled veins, that he sing songs of praise to bullshit quackery. He is impelled and compelled and all sorts of pelled. He just can’t help it.
“My job is to be a cheerleader for the audience when they don’t think they have hope,” he said.
“I have things I think work for people. I want them to try them so that they feel better, so that they can do the things we talk about every day on the show [like diet and exercise].”
“When I can’t use language that is flowery, that is exulting, I feel like I’ve been disenfranchised,” he added.
Actually, your job is to be a doctor. Hence your name. Also too no one is disenfranchised when they can’t exult or exalt the benefits of pretend obesity cures. Perhaps Dr. Oz feels as unfettered by the actual meanings of words as he does by any scientific rigor whatsoever. Either way, we’re off to buy some Green Tea Extract. We’ll be slim and trim by 4, 430 p.m., tops. Dr. Oz promised.