the art of fisticuffs

Former Bachmann Aide Has Satisfying New Career Losing Campaigns, Slapping People

A Man And His FishAmong the joys of local politics are the “characters” and “loveable bums” that the local press get to know over the years. We were delighted to learn of one such congenial fellow from Minneapolis’s City Pages today: Former Michele Bachmann chief of staff Andy Parrish, who in the past has fought for Traditional Marriage and also been photographed at a hot-oil bikini wrasslin’ match, though not, apparently, as a competitor. We guess we miss out on a lot in exchange for not having PolarDeepFreezeSnowPocalypse winters! Mr. Parrish’s most recent exploits were at the MNGOP Convention over the weekend, where after the candidate whose campaign Mr. Parrish managed failed to win the nomination to run for U.S. Senate against Al Franken, Parrish got all in the grill of a supporter of another candidate, calling him “cream puff” and then slapping him in the face a few times for good measure. It’s not exactly Preston Brooks whomping Charles Sumner with a cane on the floor of the U.S. Senate, but for our fallen modern age, it’s pretty good theater, and a useful corrective to the propaganda warblings of that Keillor fellow.

You see, Parrish had been trying to position state Sen. Julianne Ortman as the New Michele Bachmann for a run against Franken, but it just didn’t pan out, despite an explosive “gotcha” video of Franken playing with traffic cones like boobies. So Parrish was understandably bummed when the nomination went instead to Mike McFadden, a Minnesota businessman with no prior political experience — you know, the perfect Republican Outsider.

So last Friday, after Ortman lost to McFadden, Parrish got into it with a McFadden supporter, Jeff Kolb, who saw him on the convention floor and approached him, at which point Parrish went all Bad Bad Leroy Brown on Kolb:

“He walked over and I smiled and nodded at him,” Kolb continues. “He leaned over and got in my face and called me a ‘fucking cream puff.’ I said, ‘Excuse me?’ He said, ‘You fucking cream puff, you’re a real Twitter tough guy… you’re the biggest tough guy I’ve ever met.’ I stood up, got face-to-face with him, and he continued with the insults and things like that, and I told him, ‘If you’re trying to get me to hit you or something I’m not going to do that,’ and he said, ‘What are you going to do about it?’ I said, ‘Turn around and tweet out that we just had a really bizarre conversation,’ and at that point he reached out and gave me a slap in the face and did it two more times.”

A crowd quickly formed and split the two up.

“I just said, ‘Sorry your candidate lost, Andy,’ and he continued to yell,” Kolb says.

Parrish was removed from the convention by the sergeant-at-arms, and Kolb did indeed tweet about it (toughly, we should add):
parrish tweet

And then Minnesota Republicans started Tweeting pictures giving each other Parrishslaps:

parrish tweet 2

And eventually Parrish apologized and Kolb accepted and everything was OK, although Kolb later declined Parrish’s office to snap a selfie together, possibly because only one of them is a junior high school girl.

A wake and burial service for “Minnesota Nice” is scheduled for later in the week.

[City Pages via alert Wonkette tipster “Jon in St. Paul”]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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