Hotty Charlotte Mayor With The Magic Tampons To Plead Guilty To Crime Of Loving Too Much

Patrick Cannon, the hotty (former, disgraced) mayor of Charlotte, North Carolina, pleads guilty today to the crime of loving too much, and also the crime of "bribery or whatever," and also having some sort of fake feminine hygiene product that he wanted real money for? And something about a nightclub? Was unclear. 

Anyway he is guilty now, and while we were going to wait for him just long enough to meet and fall in love with his future cellie, because he looks like this,

we decided fuck that noise. Not for all the magic tampons in all the land would we wait for someone who was such a pussy that he didn't even try to claim Nobama was persecuting him for [reason] but instead just resigned and then pleaded guilty, like a total fag.

[ Observer ]