Mississippi Republicans Choose Between Thad Cochran Or The Other A**hole

It's Primary Day in Mississippi, time to see whether the Republican candidate for Senate will be Aging Conservadick Thad Cochran, or Tea Party/Neo-Confederate Superdick Chris McDaniel. Will it be the Establishement or the Tea Party? The maybe-adulterer or the probable-ratfucker? We are going to try not to get too worked up over this one, but it sure has been fun to watch the R's in Mississippi tear themselves to pieces over it.

Just to review, Thad Cochran is the six-term incumbent with the Chancellor Palpatine hair -- he gets a nickel everytime someone calls it "leonine." He's traditionally conservative, a friend of big business, right-wing in a typically Republican way. Which means, of course, to your teabaggers, he's a Big Government liberal Friend of Obama, because he doesn't quite want to burn Washington to the ground and reinstate the Articles of Confederation. Also, maybe his "longtime executive assistant," Kay Webber, is a very close companion if you know what we mean and we know you do.

Chris McDaniel is the state senator who has a surprisingly friendly relationship with neo-Confederate groups, which apparently is no big deal, because Mississippi ("It's heritage, not treason"), and who is very close to some of the loons who helped a rightwing blogger sneak into the nursing home where Cochran's wife lives, so that photos of an old woman with dementia would help McDaniel win, because the modern conservative movement is equal parts "The Jerry Springer Show" and "Ow! My Balls!" If nothing else, the ratfucking in this election does indeed hearken back to the early days of the Republic; if only some illiterate Irish immigrants could be induced to sell their votes for whiskey, it would be a perfect replication.*

This primary may have big-time implications for the Future of Tea Party Politics (capsule review: Has the "Mainstream GOP" absorbed enough Libertarian Crazy to coopt the teabaggers?), but for that, you can read the New York Times. We just want to know which candidate will keep Mississippi safe from Sharia Law. 

*Yr Dok Zoom is of Irish extrusion, so he can make that joke. Go suck a shillelagh.

[ NYT ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He's hoping maybe they'll settle this with a duel.