GOP Heroes Will Shut Down Government Before They Let EPA Communists Force You To Breathe Clean Air

Are you ready for some déjà vu? The Obama Administration is looking to implement a policy that will lead to healthier Americans. And once again, the GOP is frothing and foaming and throwing a temper-tantrum because they fucking HATE healthy (post-embryotic) Americans! And the kicker: they might just shut down the government, take their toys, and go home unless they get their way:  

President Obama’s new climate change rule could result in a partial government shutdown this fall if Republicans attempt to block the regulations through the appropriations process.

Let’s sexsplore why Republicans are determined to ensure you live a short, unhealthy life.

Wait, have you not heard of the new EPA regulations? We are no climate/environmental experts ( you get what you pay for ), but we have educated ourselves by reading things on the World Wide Web and will share some of that knowledge with you. And by “share,” we clearly mean “cut & paste like a lazy Hill staffer.” From the Washington Post:  

The Environmental Protection Agency proposed a regulation Monday that would cut carbon dioxide emissions from existing coal plants by up to to 30 percent by 2030 compared with 2005 levels, taking aim at one of the nation’s leading sources of greenhouse gases.

Under the draft rule, the EPA would let states and utilities meet the new standard with different approaches mixing four options including energy efficiency, shifting from coal to natural gas, investing in renewable energy and making power plant upgrades. Other compliance methods could include offering discounts to encourage consumers to shift electricity use to off-peak hours.

See how evil that is? See how dastardly the Administration is being, by trying to make the air less polluted, as if they know my preference for the kind of air I want to breathe! What if I want to breathe polluted air full of chemicals and carcinogens and what if I want to do it without moving to LA? WHY DOES OBAMA HATE MY FREEDUM??!1?!

The EPA estimates that the new rule would cut traditional air pollutants such as sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxides and soot by 25 percent, according to those who have been briefed, yielding a public health benefit of between $55 billion to $93 billion when it is fully implemented with 2,700 to 6,600 premature deaths avoided and 140,000 to 150,000 asthma attacks a year avoided. The cost, by contrast, would be $7.3 billion to $8.8 billion.

EPA said that for every $1 invested, Americans would reap $7 in health benefits.

Yeah, we can see how this money-saving venture, that would also save lives and make people healthier, could be a bad thing. If you hate people. Then again, this is the same GOP that railed for years against providing people with basic health care (and don’t get us started on ladyparts health care!). Maybe we are stupid, but we did not think that the “asthmatic people who have no access health care,” was a particularly large voting bloc, nor one that would vote to remain both asthmatic and without health care. But we are not GOP political gurus.

Why are Republicans complaining about cleaner air? Perhaps they want even cleaner air? Perhaps the EPA did not go FAR ENOUGH? Hahaha, yeah right. It’s all about deep-throating corporate interests, of course. What say you, House Energy & Commerce Committee?

“Just last week the Chamber of Commerce’s Institute for 21st Century Energy estimated it would cost the economy 224,000 jobs and $289 billion in higher electricity costs through 2030.”

The same statement was made by diaper-fanatic Sen. David Vitter as well as RNC head Reince Priebus. It’s almost like this was a GOP talking point. And if this is true, then that could be bad. Our main concern is this: Would we each have to pay $289 billion more for electricity? Because that is like a quarter of the Wonket Hookers & Booze budget.

But wait. If the rule just came out on Monday, how can there already be a study about the cost? Could the study possibly make errant assumptions that result in drastic over-estimates in what this rule will cost? Not that any Republican would ever blatantly ignore these errant assumptions in a rush to yell at Obama, because that is not their style. Right, WaPo Fact Checker Dude? 

Note that the EPA rule said that the agency would seek a reduction of 30 percent. But on page 15 of the Chamber report, the Chamber says it assumed the rule would impose a 42 percent reduction: “The 42% emissions reduction figure was chosen because, to date, it remains the only publicly announced Administration GHG [Greenhouse Gas protocol] reduction goal for 2030. The Administration has not said whether or how this goal might be modified.”

Seriously, not a big deal though. If it were a big deal, then someone from the Chamber of Commerce would probably go on the record saying that it is a big difference, which would NEVER happen.

“It’s a big difference,” said Matt Letourneu, senior director for communications and media at the U.S. Chamber’s Institute for 21st Century Energy, which produced the study.

Man, if only there was someone who could have predicted this kind of overreaction by the political nay-saying screaming rightwing asshats. If only there were an Administration official willing to speak Truth To Derp. If only…

“There are still special interest skeptics who cry the sky is falling,” the EPA [Administrator Gina] McCarthy said. “They deliberately ignore the risks, overestimate the costs, and undervalue the benefits.”

Yay! We heart you, Gina McCarthy!

We can’t wait for Sen. Ted Cruz and others to shut down the government over this. Their lies about Obamacare clearly never came to fruition, and now Republicans like Mitch McConnell want to magically keep their own constituents covered but repeal Obamacare because logic has no place when running for re-election and the media should surely not call him out on it because that would be journalism and who needs that shit.

Also, too, that whole government shutdown thing worked out so well last year:

The last government shutdown in 2013 sent the Republican Party’s poll numbers plunging to historic lows, so it’s unlikely that Democrats would back down from the fight.

Seriously, what is wrong with the GOP? They don’t want anyone to have health care, they want kids to be malnourished fatasses, and now they want us all to breathe dirty air. They’ve gone from the Party of No to the Party of Corporate Financial Health Is More Important Than Actual Human Health So Suck It HaHaHa Cough Cough, Wheeze.

[ The Hill / Washington Post / WaPo Fact Checker ]