Your Comment Of The Day Is Pure Wall-Punching Goodness

Hey, kids, you know what we haven't done in a while? This very thing here, what we are doing right this moment: Wonkette's Comment Win of the Afternoon, the feature where we heap praise upon an especially brilliant comment, which is odd, since Wonkette does not allow comments. Let's see who our lucky winner of an "iPad" is!

Our big winner for today was a reply to Kaili's story about Dean Baquet, the new editor of the New York Times, who has a wee anger management issue that sometimes is expressed through doing some remodeling projects with his fist. And our winner winner chicken dinner is "LarryHoudini," who submitted this fine specimen of snarkitude:

Can I just say that this is a total load of bullshit?

Name one person—ONE PERSON—you know that has never punched a whole in the wall. CAN'T DO IT, FUCKING CAN YOU.

In sum get a fucking life, Kali Joy Whatever.

Yours Truly,

Mel Gibson

Bravo, LarryHoudini! To collect your "iPad," simply fill out and submit the incredibly complicated form at the link that we published some time ago on a web forum that is no longer in operation. You'll have to look that up yourself, as we are in a hurry just now.

Also too, several of you were inspired to brilliance by Princess Sparkle Pony's "What If The National Review Had Co-Written All Of Maya Angelou’s Material?" We are pleased to bring you these runners-up, who all win a "gift certificate" for lunch with "Texas Open Carry."

Actually, the "runners-up" were pretty much all Negropolis, who brought the funny, and brought it often. We're just going to see if we can get Tracy Morgan to read these on somebody's voicemail (no we aren't).

• "I know how the caged bird feels, 'cause Obamacare is just like slavery."

• "Does my sassiness upset you?

  Why are you beset with gloom?

  'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

  Pumping in my living room.

  Drill, baby! Drill!"

• "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you...well, except for you gays. You all can keep your stories to yourself, 'cause aint' nobody got time for that."

• “We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color...but we should also know that some colors are more equal than others.”

And a couple of others, though SOMEBODY just had to go and blow the others out of the water. From "Orygoon," we have

"Any book that helps a child form the habit of reading should probably be banned."

And from "Widestancehusband," we got this:

'I Know Why We Keep The Singing Birds Caged' changed my life.

Congratulations to all our winners, and if you didn't win Comment of the Afternoon today, keep on snarking, because who knows, we may actually notice your puny efforts some other time when we have a slot to fill and no motivation to write anything ourselves. IT COULD HAPPEN.

Enjoy your "bragging rights," and your "week-end," you ugly vile little snark mob!

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He's already hitting the cooking sherry, we fear.