John Conyers Will Win Write-In Campaign With Your Stupid Ballot Tied Behind His Back

Having first been elected to the House of Representatives in 1964, one would think that Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) would have the whole “get enough signatures from constituents to make it onto the primary ballot” step down to a science by now. This cycle, however, he made a pretty big oopsie. 

The [Michigan Secretary of State] review concluded that at least petition signatures gathered by at least five circulators were invalid because they were either not registered to vote, not registered to vote while the petitions were being circulated or had addresses on the petitions that didn’t match their voter registrations. As a result, the SOS ruled Conyers had only 455 valid signatures, far short of the 1,000 required by state law.

D’oh!

Conyers’ campaign actually turned in 2,000 signatures, so that is a lot of disqualifications because the circulators and the consultant who hired them sucked at their jobs. Jesus guys, now you have ruined an elderly man’s dream of serving his 26th term in office at risk. Why not just take away his pension and his Social Security and make him live in one of Detroit’s free houses while you’re at it.

Conyers is awaiting a ruling on a lawsuit he filed with the ACLU that requiring circulators to be registered voters is unconstitutional. Otherwise he’ll have to mount a write-in campaign, which could be costly but will probably be successful, because no one likes people who are mean to the elderly.

Conyers just turned 85 last week. When our grandfather was 85, he was comfortably retired and spent most of his time in an easy chair watching pro golf and syndicated “Alice” reruns while yelling at his grandchildren to not turn the dial on the cable box so fast. Which still sounds to us like a hell of a lot more fun than serving in a House of Representatives ruled by fanatical wingnuts, but to each his own.

[ Detroit Free Press ]