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It's the cheesiestDoctor Ben Carson, the neurosurgeon who thinks Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery, went on “The View” Tuesday and explained how we can Save America: “We have to help re-educate people about what America is,” a turn of phrase surely that no wingnut would ever freak out about. Perhaps camps could even be provided for the purpose. And what you need to do to help people realize their dream is to free them from the government’s neo-Marxist welfare teat. And what greater waste of human potential is there than the enslavement of getting help with food and healthcare? Luckily Dr. Carson can explain for us why welfare and food stamps that helped him as a child were the good kind of welfare and food stamps, as opposed to the moocher 47 percent freeloader kind you get today.

When you rob someone of their incentive to go out there and improve themselves, you are not doing them any favors. When you take somebody and pat them on the head and say, ‘There, there, you poor little thing. … Let me give you housing subsidies, let me give you free health care because you can’t do that.’ What would be much more empowering is to use our intellect and our resources to give those people a way up and out.

It’s so true — once you get on government assistance, your will to earn your own keep is sapped forever. Yr. Doktor Zoom was on unemployment once, and look at him now — writing dick jokes for money. Or look at Dr. Ben Carson, who despite being born into poverty, was miraculously untainted by the government assistance that his mother received, as Reading is For Snobs points out: “for some strange reason, the evil welfare system didn’t seem to destroy the incentive for his own mother to go out and make things better for her and her family”:

No doubt, Mother Carson deserves tremendous credit, but — in the words of a political sound bite from the last presidential election — she didn’t do it alone. Carson, in his book, tells how his grades improved tremendously when a government program provided him with free eyeglasses because he could barely see. Not only that, in “Gifted Hands” we read this nugget: “By the time I reached ninth grade, mother had made such strides that she received nothing but food stamps. She couldn’t have provided for us and kept up the house without that subsidy.”

Now hold on just a darn second here. Carson got free Government Glasses, and his mom received government largesse well beyond food stamps, which were the last step that helped her become independent? Why, that sounds disturbingly neo-Marxist! Happily, a Politico profile explains the difference between Good Poors like Ben Carson’s mother, and Lazy Takers like everyone who is enslaved by today’s big government programs that keep getting cut back year after year:

Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.

It’s hard not to see Carson’s own upbringing coming into view here. He grew up in meager surroundings in Detroit and Boston, in a family that made use of public assistance programs like food stamps. The culture was different then, Carson insists. “I think there was a time when people were not proud of taking handouts,” he said. “There were more people who did have that drive and determination. You do what you have to do.”

You see, the chief difference is that Carson’s mom felt appropriately ashamed of being poor, whereas no one today is publicly shamed enough. This is why it’s so very important to drug test welfare recipients and inspect their shopping carts for illicit crab legs. Back then, poor people (especially Ben Carson’s mother) were better than they are now, because handwaving magic Great Society Obamacare free market good old days, just like it’s cool that Paul Ryan is a self-made man who supported himself with his father’s Social Security benefits that he earned on his own, and Craig T Nelson never got a handout from anyone when he was on welfare and food stamps:

It seems they just don’t make poor people like they used to, that’s the problem.

[Reading is for Snobs]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He never cared for the government peanut butter, but the cheese was pretty good.

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