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Us, after writing this.We’re still trying to make sense of this utterly bizarre and disgusting story that came out of Mississippi over the weekend. It involves Sen. Thad Cochran (R), who is running for re-election to a seventh term in office this fall. But first he faces a primary from a wingnut by the name of Chris McDaniel, a young whippersnapper from the state Senate running on the usual Tea Party platform that the incumbent isn’t conservative enough because who knows, Cochran probably once said something nice about immigrants or shook President Obama’s hand without spitting on him or something.

On Saturday a McDaniel supporter and blogger by the name of Clayton Kelly was arrested on a charge of exploiting a vulnerable adult, in this case Cochran’s wife Rose, who suffers from early-onset dementia and has been in a nursing home since 2000. Kelly allegedly snuck into the nursing home and took a picture of the bedridden Mrs. Cochran, then used the image in a “hit piece” video attacking the Senator. Kelly posted the video on April 26 but took it down after only a couple of hours. Whether he did so because he had an attack of conscience or the McDaniel campaign found out about it and asked him to or because he didn’t feel he had been a disgusting enough piece of hateful subhuman garbage and wanted to do some re-editing, we can’t say.

What could have been the subject matter of this hit piece that required such a shameless display of the human capacity for colossal dickishness? It may have been related to this story from used diaper pail Matthew Boyle and our old friends at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Bog for Limp-Dicked Swamp Things. The gist of the article is that Sen. Cochran has an unusually close relationship with his long-time executive assistant, Kay Webber, who has accompanied him on dozens of trips and tax-payer funded junkets, at a cost to the taxpayers of at least $155,000. Cochran and Webber’s close relationship has naturally led to rumors of a romance between the two, which a spokesman for Cochran dismissed as “silly gossip.”

So imagine you are a Tea Party cock-nozzle fed up with what you see as an out-of-touch elitist senator in Washington gallivanting all over the world with his mistress on the taxpayer dime, while your preferred candidate is a handsome, telegenic Southern Baptist married to a former Miss Mississippi with a couple of adorable kids back home in Oxford or Swill Fuck or wherever. And you want to highlight what a sleaze the senator is for living it up with The Other Woman while his poor wife continues wasting away from dementia in a nursing home. Wouldn’t an image of that woman placed next to a picture of Cochran and Webber rubbing elbows at a D.C. gala with Richard Gere really get your point across in a way that would just be super-duper hard to forget?

It sure would, as long as you don’t stop for three seconds to ask yourself whether you have misplaced your sense of human decency or never had one to begin with.

Normally your Wonkette loves a good sex scandal that involves some of the people who spent the better part of the ’90s chasing Bill Clinton’s dick from one end of Pennsylvania Avenue to the other. But Jesus H. Christ balls-deep in Mary Magdalene, this does not remotely qualify. It’s an older senator and his (maybe) lady friend working together while presumably enjoying each other’s company. There is no reason to think Thad Cochran’s poor wife is not well cared for, and there is no earthly reason he should spend his golden years alone and sealed off from female companionship like a monk. Webber is not some 25-year-old floozy he’s having a fling with; the woman has worked for Cochran since 1981. Considering some of the travel abuses that Congressmen have likely foisted on the taxpayers over the decades so their mistresses could blow them in a malaria-ridden hotel in Botswana, this is a story that was not worth pursuing.

Or put another way: if Erick Erickson thinks you’re a jerk for pursuing this and you’ve got Wonkette defending Thad frigging Cochran, you have really dumped a steaming pile of dung into the world.

Congratulations to Matthew Boyle for being such a slimy little dick-chaser (not for the first time) and our deepest sympathies to the Cochran family for this spackle-brained weasel Clayton Kelly’s actions. Hopefully he has some time to think about it while he’s breaking rocks on a chain gang at high noon somewhere in Mississippi, in the hottest part of August.

[Clarion-Ledger]

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