Clinton-Obsessed Swamp Thing Lanny Davis Oozes From Primordial Muck To Weigh In On Benghazi

One specter that has always hovered over a Hillary Clinton campaign for president in 2016 is the possibility -- the certainty -- that all the old spirits of the 1990s will be conjured up and released into the world to wreak havoc and slime anyone in their way in the political equivalent of shutting down the containment unit in Ghostbusters. All those old “scandals” – Whitewater, Mena Airport, Travelgate, Vince Foster – will get all-new airings in the media, dissected like a Census taker that knocks on Hannibal Lecter’s door. Ugh, we’re getting nauseous just writing this.

It also means some of the old faces from the 90s will reappear. (It’s true some of them never went away in the first place, as we’re reminded every time we happen to catch pudgy-faced Jell-O monster Dick Morris sneering his way through an appearance on Fox News.) Last week Monica Lewinsky popped back up for the first time in over a decade, inciting conspiracy theories from Lynne Cheney and one million column ideas plus a raging lady boner for Maureen Dowd. Not long before that, the announcement of Chelsea Clinton’s pregnancy brought back some of those old “Webb Hubbell is Chelsea’s father” stories. We wondered, who would be next? Linda Tripp? Gennifer Flowers? Ghost Socks the cat?

Lanny Davis. Of course, it would be goddamn Lanny Davis, crawling out from whatever rock he has been hiding under to insert himself into the BENGHAAAAZI!!11!! flustercuck that has congressional doctors busy writing dozens of prescriptions for amyl nitrites.

Davis has spent the past decade and a half yapping on Fox News in between taking on public relations campaigns to improve the image of human slime like genocidal African dictators and the people who run for-profit colleges. Now he is resurrecting an old job he took on during one of the innumerable congressional investigations of Bill Clinton in the 90s, that of a “Truth Squad.” He plans to set up a table outside the hearing room where the House select committee formed last week to investigate the Benghazi attack will be meeting, stack the table with fact sheets and booklets, and hand these out to anyone who will not burst into flames at his touch.

Davis promises the information he passes out will be “nonpartisan,” which is a ridiculous claim to make in the hyper-partisan atmosphere that will surround these hearings. No right-wing media figure is going to read these fact sheets and believe any word that is in any way favorable to Hillary Clinton or the Obama administration, and yes that includes prepositions. Can you imagine grinning death's-head Matt Boyle reading one of these things and quitting Breitbart on the spot? Us either.

Right now you might be saying, “But Wonkette, at least someone will be out there pushing back on the wingnut spin machine! We can’t expect our so-called liberal media to do it.” And we agree! Luckily there is already an organization dedicated to doing this job. It’s called Correct the Record, and though Davis told Buzzfeed he would rely on materials from this group, both he and a spokesperson for the organization made it clear they are not officially working together.

Our point is, we are glad Correct the Record will be there. We are not glad about Lanny Davis, and we don’t care how much of a partisan, bare-knuckle, balls-cutting political bruiser he can be. We’re not going to say “Sure he’s an asshole, but he’s our asshole.” There are plenty of other Sisyphuses who could push this rock up the hill, and at least some of them are not agents of Satan.

[ Buzzfeed / Correct The Record ]