Pope Francis Just Straight Up Trolling Conservative Catholics Now With His Foot-Washing Habits

Remember last year when it was getting to be close to Easter and the pope washed some feet of Muslim girls instead of good old Christian males, like god intended, and the Rick Santorum wing of the Catholic Church threw a temper tantrum about how Jesus would have never touched lady feet because Jesus? Buckle up, kids, 'cause it's Eastertime again, and Pope Francis is washing some ladyfeet, even though some douchebag bishop won't.

First, let's talk about what type of feet the pope touched this year, shall we?

Ranging in ages from 16 to 86, nine of the 12 patients at a rehabilitation center were Italian, one was a Muslim from Libya, one was a woman from Ethiopia and one young man was from Cape Verde, Catholic Reporter says.

“Jesus made a gesture, a job, the service of a slave, a servant,” he said. “And he leaves this inheritance to us: We need to be servants to one another.”

That actually does totally sound like the Jesus in our Bible, but apparently one Bishop Robert Morlino of the Madison, Wisconsin archdiocese had a different Bible where Jesus was a legalistic prick.

Morlino [...] will wash the feet of 12 men, all seminarians, a recreation of Jesus' action at the Last Supper, when he washed the feet of his disciples and, according to Catholic doctrine, formally instituted the priesthood. [...]

"The Church's law says that only men may be the recipients of this foot washing," wrote Fr. John Zuhlsdorf, a scrappy blogger popular with the Catholic right. "Morlino's guidelines" -- that his priests must wash the feet of 12 men or not do the foot washing at all -- "do nothing but reiterate the Church's laws, which bishops and priests are obliged to follow."

Huh. Couldn't be that Christ's disciples were all men at that time because it was a time in history when women were not free to move about and just stone cold get up and follow a man all across Galilee? Naw, too simple. Has to be that it was a preordained by god thing. Makes much more sense.

Seriously, Madison Dude, even the U.S. Conference of Bishops doesn't have your back on this one.

Today, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops acknowledges the letter of the law but stresses that the rite aims to signify both charity and "humble service" rather than a re-enactment of the foundation of the priesthood. It drops any reference to washing the feet of 12 people (the number of the disciples) and notes that "it has become customary in many places to invite both men and women to be participants in this rite in recognition of the service that should be given by all the faithful to the Church and to the world."

We feel you, the Rick Santorums and the Bishop Morlinos of the world. It sucks so bad that ladies aren't just accessories that stay at home and shove out a baby for you whenever you want. It's sad that there has been a 2000-year arc of history since the historical time of Christ and now ladies are actually people too. We feel your pain and we see your tears, so while you're crying, why not get down there and use those tears to wash our gay commie feet?

[ MPR News / National Catholic Reporter ]