Let’s Help The Wendy Davis Campaign Stop Sucking So Hard

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moar like this plzWe love Wendy Davis. You love Wendy Davis. We and you want to do very sexy things to Wendy Davis, even the straight chicks. Unfortunately, even saying that is the kind of thing the Wendy Davis for Governor campaign would send out an OUTRAGED PRESS RELEASE ABOUT. Most of you don’t get Wendy Davis for Governor’s press releases. We are here to tell you they are terrible.

Wendy Davis’s campaign is trailing lightweight nothingburger Greg Abbott, hard. And they think the answer is to say LOOK AT THE BIG MEAN MEN THEY SAID UNLADYLIKE THINGS ABOUT A LADY.

Can you even imagine Ann Richards boo-hooing like that? She’d laugh in their goddamn faces, her French manicure (we assume) digging straight to their nuts.

Hell, can you imagine Sarah Palin boo-hooing like that? Fuck, you’re being a worse candidate than Sarah Palin.

COME ON.

Wendy Davis for Governor staff, “poor me” only works if you are a Republican. Toughen up buttercup.

Here’s a sampling from some recent OUTRAGES in our inbox.

TPM: ABBOTT “ON THE DEFENSIVE” OVER “BOATS ‘N HOES” PAC

“The language used by Greg Abbott’s consultants is offensive to every Texas mother and daughter -and the men who love them- and has no place in politics,” Davis spokeswoman Rebecca Acuña said according to The San Antonio Express-News on Thursday.

As TPM noted earlier on Thursday, the consultants behind the Boats ‘N Hoes dissolved the PAC after Texas politicians said its name was “offensive.” The PAC was created Shaun Nowacki, the bookkeeper for Blackmore and Associates, a Republican consulting firm that lists Attorney General Greg Abbott, Davis’ GOP opponent, as a client from 1991 to 2004.

Wait, how is Greg Abbott responsible for the bookeeper for the consulting firm he stopped using 10 years ago? Well, um, “because?” And 780,427 emails about the word “ho”? Maaaaaybe if you’d said something about our African-American sisters and the daily crap misogyny they face, but of course you did not say anything about our African-American sisters, because you also did not say anything about our African-American sisters (or brothers) with this:

In a statement, Davis Campaign Manager Karin Johnason said, “It has now been two days since likely Republican gubernatorial nominee Greg Abbott appeared with an admitted sexual predator. Not a single Republican leader has condemned Greg Abbott’s embrace of and showcasing of Ted Nugent, who has boasted of having sexual relations with underage women. It’s time for every Texan Republican to end their silence and stop trying to gloss over the fact that their likely next standard bearer has campaigned with someone whose vile actions are repugnant to every value that Texas men, women, fathers and mothers embrace.”

Ted Nugent has said SO MANY HORRIBLE THINGS. He has threatened the life of the president of the United States. He has threatened the life of Hillz Clinton. He has severe mental health issues that are terrifying and bad.

He called Barack Obama a “subhuman mongrel” — right before his appearances with Greg Abbott, which was why he was in the news. And your campaign is 100 percent completely silent on that. You’re saving your outrage and going to faint that the Nuge is a sexual predator because in the ’70s he sexed up teenage girls? In the ’70s EVERYONE sexed up teenage girls. Jesus, watch Manhattan sometime. Mariel Hemingway was like 12 in that. Nobody batted a fucking eye.

Wendy Davis for Governor, we like you. We make our readers send you money. We would like to come to your Willie Nelson fundraiser, and will drive us from Los Angeles to do so.

But this whining what (we hope) is fake umbrage is beneath you. It’s not a good look. You’re sounding like the candidate of only delicate flower suburban housewives, and we are pretty sure they don’t think you’re speaking for them.

Less whining moar fighting please. And no, complaining about some dumb pac name by a guy whose employer was hired by your opponent 10 years ago isn’t “fighting.” Wink, smile, laugh, and reload.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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