Wonkette After Dark: Vance McAllister's Romance McFailister, Miley Pelosi, & More!

Vance McAllister has allegedly kissed his own staff! Wow, way to go Stretch! No, we are joking, we know Vance McAllister didn't finally master yoga's forbidden Contented Dog, he was merely allegedly kissing a lady he shouldna been kissing. Yes, a kissing scandal. You probably have to go back to the first Cleveland administration to find a quainter tale of martial infidelity among the power elite. From the video, it looked like he had a shot at second base, don't you think?

Now, to us, marital infidelity is one thing -- you can decide for yourself if you wouldn't vote for a guy or gal who says one thing and sucks another -- but when McAllister started talking about getting the FBI involved, thus guaranteeing a fresh round of headlines with his name in them next to words like "Wants To Get The FBI Involved In His CHEATING SCANDAL," that's when we knew we were dealing with a special kind of ass.

Now, onto Sexy Miley Pelosi. Sexy Miley Pelosi is a gross maybe NSFW thing that we will show you.

Of course Breitbart. Apparently this is supposed to be part of a freelance poster design for Breitbart, so maybe you'll see these stuck up all over the city, because that's how you promote a blog in 2014.

Ana Marie Cox, the OG Wonkette, may she write in peace in the Guardian, was especially mad about this for some reason, even though it is just kinda two pictures mashed together and it doesn't make any sense or, like "say" anything coherent at all. There are several other designs that make a similar amount of no sense, and  you can check them out at the NSFW place here, WARNING it is Breitbart, and should definitely be marked NSFW. Those guys know it, too. They are just being edgy, how adorable. (Nothing will ever be edgier than intentionally misused commas.)

And we promised you some & More, so here, also probably NSFW, is a Japanese Penis Festival, and boy is it that!

We missed this year's Festival, but HuffPo's got enough penis pop selfies and shinto cocks to tide you over until next spring. Except why did they not call it the Penis Phestival?

Finally, Dok noted in his first McAllister post that McAllister had been in office just a little over a month when he was Caught On Video. We wonder: could this be a new record?

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[ Guardian / Breitbart / HuffPo ]