Married Congressman Vance McAllister Fires Lady He Was Kissing On For Being Too Much Of A Slut

Here at Yr Wonkette, we are proud to bring you all the Vance McAllister news you can possibly stomach, which we figure is probably about 600 words and change. McAllister, as you are no doubt aware, is the nice Family Values Christian guy who won Louisiana's 5th district in a special election last November, then promptly was videotaped getting all smoochyfacey with aide Melissa Anne Hixon Peacock on December 23, because it was the season of giving. Mostly tongue, judging by the video.

So what's up with Mr. "I have done wrong please forgive me and I need your prayers" today?

To start with, he has removed the object of temptation from his payroll, which is of course the right thing to do. Whenever you have an affair -- if it was an affair at all of course; maybe that kiss was just a kiss, like in all American movies between 1930 and 1960 or so -- you pretty much have to fire the slut, because otherwise you might have to step down yourself, and that's just RIDICULOSE. So that's one loose end wrapped up, and there's no chance of Ms. Peacock saying anything embarrassing now, is there? Happily, we do not live in a third-rate soap opera, or Ms. Peacock might have to check her brake lines before driving anywhere.

Also, too, Rep. McAllister, who would like to remind you that he is very very sorry and is praying for forgiveness, says that he plans to run for reelection this fall, because what is he, a Democrat who emailed a dick pic or something? McAllister told a local paper that he'll run,

"unless there is an outcry for me not to serve, and so far there has been an outpouring of support, not for my actions, but for me to continue to represent the people."

"If the people are willing to forgive me I'll keep fighting. If there's somebody more perfect than me who they support, it's their will," he said.

That is one stand-up guy! He just cares so much for the people of his district that he is willing to do the hard thing and keep humping away in Congress, unless The People find "someone more perfect." And of course, he's going to pray on it.

Or maybe he's not, if we're to believe his friend -- and husband of the lady he was kissing on -- Heath Peacock, who told CNN that McAllister is not exactly the Bible-guided Jesus fella that he portrayed himself to be in campaign ads:

"I know his beliefs. When he ran one of his commercials, he said ‘I need your prayers,’ and I asked, ‘When did you get religious?’ He said, ‘When I needed votes,’” Peacock recalled. “He broke out the religious card and he’s about the most non-religious person I know.”

Now, to be sure, Mr. Peacock is speaking from a place of hurt right now, having been mouth-cuckolded and perhaps more. He says he expects to get divorced because McAllister had "wrecked [his] life" and that the Congressman has "apologized to everyone in the world except me.” So maybe, just maybe, Peacock is just fibbing about this to be hurtful back at McAllister. After all, his contention that McAllister's deeply held Christian faith is merely a bit of political convenience doesn't seem to have any evidence behind it, apart perhaps from that videotape of McAllister and Ms. Peacock committing lust in each other's oral cavities.

If this story sticks to the conventional script, we should anticipate that Rep. McAllister will next deliver a tearful denunciation of those who are trying to tear his family apart by talking about this story further, and then Fox News will ask whether this is all just a distraction from Benghazi and the complete failure of Obamacare.

[ Nola.com / CBS News / CNN via TPM ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He looks forward to the next diversion from this distraction.