Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!

 
Is it just us, or has it been a long time since we had a really revolting sex scandal? What was the last one, Bob Filner? That was a "good" one. We are trying to remember before that but Big Dave Petraeus, Mark "Soul Mate" Sanford, and Mr. Wide Stance Bromance Larry Craig are all mashed together in the men's room of our memory. Maybe those weren't all revolting, but a lot of words were writ upon the subject of their humpings, so many that we got bored, even of the Petraeus one which was fairly actually sexy. (Mark Sanford actually got himself elected to Congress not too long ago, remember that? Cripes.) Oh yeah, Anthony Weiner, almost forgot! So, so blissfully close to forgetting...

So anyway, we figured -- rather than wait for the next spectacular lapse of self-control, let's just make up our own! We have written a story like one you might read on a real news place. After the jump, you can Fill In The Blanks of our story to create your very own juvenile political sex scandal, probably with the word "penis" in every sentence. Penis is not even a verb, guys, come on.

BEGIN! CHOOSE A THING THAT IS A:

1. proper name

2. verb, past tense

3. number

4. plural noun

5. adjective

6. profession

7. verb, past tense

8. verb, past tense

9. adjective

10. plural noun

11. body part

12. proper name from 1.

13. verb, past tense

14. verb, present tense

15. plural noun

16. proper name from 1.

17. noun

18. adjective

19. noun

20. different proper name

21. noun

22. place

23. noun

24. verb, past tense

25. noun

26. adjective

27. verb, present tense

DON'T GLANCE PAST THE WIDE STANCE UNTIL YOU ARE DONE WITH THE ABOVE!

OKAY NOW FILL THIS IN WITH THE WORD YOU DID!

Senator [1.__________] resigned yesterday amid accusations that he [2.__________] as many as [3.__________] women, men and [4.__________]. One of the accusers, a [5.__________] [6.__________] who has asked not to be [7.__________], said of her experience with the Senator: "I just [8.__________] a sack of potatoes when I felt two [9.__________] [10.__________] on my [11.__________]. I said, ' [12.__________], you know I'm happily [13.__________]!' But he just kept on [14.__________] to town on my [15.__________]."

These accusations are all the more shocking as Senator [16.__________] -- affectionately known as [17.__________] by his staff, was a prominent opponent of [18.__________] rights, and often spoke out against [19.__________] outside of marriage.

Still, the Senator has his defenders. [20.__________], a [21.__________] technician from [22.__________], told this newspaper: "I'd still vote for him because he actually came to my [23.__________] and [24.__________] my [25.__________]. That's the kind of [26.__________] I like to [27.__________] in a leader. I seen his dick, too!"

Congratulations, you are a gross child person!

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