Secret Service Agents Pass Out Drunk In Netherland Hotel, Think They're Bloggers
Are you fond of traveling to exotic locations and having sexytimes with hookers? Do you drink on the job? Have you recently been to Western Europe and drunk until you passed out in a hotel? Then perhaps you should consider an exciting career protecting the President of the United States as a Secret Service agent! Apply today!
Per the Washington Post:
Three Secret Service agents responsible for protecting President Obama in Amsterdam this week were sent home and put on administrative leave Sunday after going out for a night of drinking, according to three people familiar with the incident. One of the agents was found drunk and passed out in a hotel hallway, the people said.
So Prezzy Nobummer is in Europe to talk about nukes and how Vladdy Putin is spanking his mommy-jeans-wearing ass all over Ukraine. And its not like those mom jeans are made of Kevlar, so the Secret Service is there to protect him from folks like Gavrilo Princip and others who would do him harm. At least our drunky agents were found by other Americans and we weren't embarrassed in front of another country, right?
The hotel staff alerted the U.S. Embassy in the Netherlands after finding the unconscious agent Sunday morning, a day before Obama arrived in the country, according to two of the people.
D'oh! What the hell happened to never leaving a man behind? What kind of shitty friends do not at least drag their drunk-ass buddy into a hotel room and plant him in the shower or something? Maybe these agents were back-benchers, or part of the B team. That would make us feel better.
According to two people familiar with the Amsterdam incident, the three are members of the Secret Service’s Counter Assault Team, known in the agency as CAT.
The Counter Assault Team’s job is to protect the president if he or his motorcade comes under attack and to fight off assailants and draw fire while the protective detail removes the president from the area.
Seriously? The guys described as, “the last line of defense” are the ones passed out in a hotel? Next thing you know, French secret service will be drawing a pencil-thin mustache on him, putting him in a beret, and posting photos on Le Facebook ! Who knows -- maybe they thought that being drunk would help them weave in traffic more effectively and realistically, thus drawing the fire?
We here at Wonket want to make a deal with the Secret Service: You guys protect important people, and leave the heavy drinking to us professionals. We have been trained in alcohol consumption, and the Editrix ensures that we refresh our training every day, beginning no later than 10 am.
Cheers, or something.
[ Washington Post ]
Follow DDM on Twitter ( @Wonksplainer ), and please bring him water if you see him passed out in a hotel.
The time a Big Person from the WH came to my office, preceded by two days of Secret Service visits, and advance teams on the day two hours, one hour, and fifteen minutes out, with coverage of all exits etc., the Secret Service guys managed to:
~knock over a vase of flowers onto a computer, shorting out the keyboard ~lock a bathroom door to which no one had the key ~leer at all the young women in the place
Also, they were all fleshy 25-year-olds with crew cuts and the charm of a second-string football team. For the sake of Sasha and Malia's funtime over the past 5 years and the next 3, I can only hope that a few cool dudes somehow made it into the fraternity.
Must be a stressful job. Almost like President.