Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn't Going To Make Sense Any More

We started to write about Erick Erickson, Anger Bear Ken Doll, yesterday, because he'd recently written an incoherent yet completely rage-fueled thing about how you can TOO discriminate against the gays because it is in both Leviticus AND the New Testament unlike the prohibitions on shrimp and clothing with mixed fibers, nyah nyah nyah. It's an argument we've seen before, though usually in a way that doesn't devolve into telling everyone that if they talk about the Old Testament prohibitions in a way that Erick Erickson thinks is wrong, they are probably going to hell. 

In fact, often times the person who throws out the shellfish and mixed fabric line claims to be a Christian — one of those Christians with a mind so open to everything it is full of nothing.

Dear well meaning poseur, atheist, and other people hostile to Christianity — these are shibboleths of the damned. If you throw these out, it is an immediate signal you are more likely than not destined for hell fire.

We are not really sure what he is on about there, but we assume that "shibboleths" was on his word of the day calendar and he got so excited he had to get in in somewhere.

We should have known better than to sleep on Erick Erickson for a full day, though, because he upped his game like a fucking bawse and made the shibboleths thing look positively sane by comparison by writing a yellpost about how we should impeach the president or the media should want to impeach the president but are too busy gobbling president cock to report on Obamacare's failures to do it or something something something "cocktails."

You guys in the press who are reading this right now can be such shameless whores. I generally try to hold to the standard these days that if I wouldn’t be outraged by George Chimpy McBushitler Halliburton and Darth Cheney doing something, I shouldn’t be outraged by President Obama. And if I’d be outraged by Bush, I should be outraged by Obama.

But you journalists have such erections for everything Barack Obama does, you can’t even summon outrage to report fairly on the latest b.s. from the administration over Obamacare. Is it any wonder so many people have stopped trusting you?

Dude, let us be the first, but by no means the last, to say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT? We tried to read the parts that were actually about Obamacare, but those didn't make much sense either, especially because of all the references to cockgobbling he stuffed in the middle. OK, Erick. What are you actually writing about? It is good to put the topic of your column near the top, so people know they aren't just reading the mutterings of a madman.

Under the latest round of Obamacare delays for companies of 50 to 99 employees, companies who embrace the delay can layoff, restructure, and hire part time workers, but only if they swear to the IRS they are not doing so because of Obamacare. This comes on the heels of a much touted CBO report that finds only anecdotal evidence of a shift to part-time work now, but expects a shift in labor among small businesses in 2015.

If George W. Bush had done that, Dan Rather would be marching on the White House with a pitch fork. Tom Browkaw would be calling for his head on a platter. Andrea Mitchell of that anti-Bush site would be calling for his impeachment. CNN would be interviewing Cindy Sheehan about the boundaries crossed by George and Dick.

See, Erick, the leap from one paragraph to the next actually does not make sense to anyone on this earth except you. Do you think you could explain yourself a bit more later in the column? 

If this was George Bush telling businesses they cannot take advantage of an arguable unconstitutional restricting of law done without Congress’s consent unless the businesses swore oaths that they’d lie if they need to downsize due to Obamacare costs, the media would start talking about impeaching the President in non-ironic ways.

Hmmm. We're still having trouble following. Let's see if we can untangle this together. Journalists lurrrrvvvveee Barack Obama and want to get with him or be him or both, so they will not write angrily and in ALL CAPS WITH. RANDOM PUNCTUATION LIKE ERICK. ERICKSON about how a procedural delay in implementation of Obamacare that is actually pretty business-friendly and is something your Republican friends love, because it lets them begin howler-monkey screeching again about how this means we should delay or repeal the whole thing, should actually be viewed as a reason to impeach the president because -- see, Erick, that's the part we're still not clear about. Why are we going to impeach Bamz, again, except that this is a thing you think about every waking moment? Also, too, dude, not a single one of us is thinking about Bamz' cock nearly as much as you are, if this column is any indication.

But now, you’d rather have cocktails (pun absolutely intended for a good portion of you “journalists”) with the President, jealously size up the competition in the First Lady, and wish you too could be a mistress when you see France’s President and whoever the gal of the week is for him.

We're going to back away slowly, Erick, and recommend a good editor and maybe that you consider switching to decaf. As the mighty Val Kilmer noted in the classic movie Real Genius, there really are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty, and you could really, really use the help getting your heart rate down.

[ RedState / Politico ]