McGruff The Crime Dog Likes To Get Hiiiiigh

According to CBS Houston, "McGruff The Crime Dog Actor Sentenced To 16 Years For Pot, Grenade Launcher."

At first, we thought it was a Pot Grenade Launcher, which we hoped would be like one of those cool launchers they use at sportsball games to shoot free tee shirts into the crowd, except this would be used to shoot marihuana, and we wanted to order one million of them. But then we saw the appropriately placed comma, and had our dreams crushed and hopes denied. Damn you, grammar.

Still, let's sexplore the tragic comedy of the McGruff anti-crime guy being arrested for lots of crimes.

So what did this guy do, anyway? Maybe he had a joint and got caught with it? Apparently it was slightly more than a joint:

Former McGruff the Crime Dog actor, John R. Morales, has been sentenced to 16 years in prison following his guilty plea three years after police seized 1,000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons -- including a grenade launcher, and 9,000 rounds of ammunition from his home.

Holy Cheech & Chong, man, that is a lot of weed. Also, we guess Morales needed an entire arsenal to protect his 1,000 marijuana plants, in case Red Dawn III happened in Texas. And when would anyone ever need a grenade launcher? Unless, of course, you modified it and made it shoot pot brownies, which would be a totally cool Christmas gift for the Editrix.

Morales got caught because he was speeding, and then drug-sniffing dogs found marijuana in his trunk. Police then got a search warrant and:

Police raided Morales’ home and found the multitude of marijuana plants, ammunition and weapons, which included a grenade launcher, according to court documents...

Despite his insistence that he is just a peacenik who likes to mellow out from time to time, the judge was not buying it:

Morales insisted that he was nonviolent, but U.S. District Judge Vanessa Gilmore stated that, “Everything I read about you makes you seem like a scary person.”

Dude, you had a motherfuckin' GRENADE LAUNCHER. There is nothing nonviolent about an instrument that flings exploding canisters at people/things/rivals cartoon dogs. Have fun in the pokey.

[ CBS Houston ]

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