Dana Loesch Will Be On The View As Soon As ABC Installs Shatterproof Lenses In All Its Cameras

Set your DVRs, people! Squealing rage nymph Dana Loesch will be a guest co-host on ABC’s daytime television drama for ladiesThe Viewon February 3, which is…(checks calendar) Monday! Holy shit! We have to buy a DVR! And a TV!

Yuck. Maybe we’re old-fashioned but we still like to imagine daytime TV through a soft and fuzzy filter, a place where Ellen DeGeneres can thrive or those nice ladies Hoda and Kathie Lee can do some day-drinking on camera and giggle and fall all over themselves like a couple of excitable puppies.

Imagine the conversation in the production offices of The View that led to this decision.

 We need someone for a day who is dumber and meaner than Elizabeth Hasselbeck but about a thousand times louder about it. 

 Hmmm, we could send an intern into the jungle to capture a rabid, pissed-off howler monkey. 

 Eh, I’m thinking crazier. How about we raise Chthulu? 

 Normally I’m all about immortal hell-demons, but let’s aim high and go for something truly evil. 

 How about Dana Loesch? 

 Perfect! Call her agent and let’s go get pedicures. 

We probably shouldn’t imply thatThe Viewshould be above this sort of garbage. After all, the show replaced Hasselbeck with anti-vaccine shitwit Jenny McCarthy, and as Media Matters points out, the show has hosted anti-Obamacare idiot grifter Betsy McCaughey and actual crazy person Alex Jones.

Maybe since Dana was all over MSNBC this week about one mild tweet implying some rightwingers are racists, someone (looking at you, Whoopi) will suggest that if she doesn’t want to be viewed as a racist, she should stop hanging out with Ted Nugent. 

Anyone want to place bets on what this crazy garbage bag of wind will spew forth on Monday? Defending Todd Akin ? Cheering Marines for pissing on the corpses of dead Taliban? Positing herself to be the new Martin Luther King? Ragging on Piers Morgan because as a Britisher he is confused as to why America’s gun fondlers have an irrational attachment to their penis substitutes? (Hint: Piers, we just answered the question for you!) Someone hate-watch and let us know, we’ll be toozonked out on downersbusy to waste our time.

[ Media Matters ]