everybody must get droned

Minnesota Hero Seeks To Use Drones To Deliver Beer; We’ll Take One Million, Please

Beer. As the great philosopher said, it is the cause of and solution to all life’s problems. And one brave man was trying to make it easier for people to cause and/or solve problems, by using good ol’ American ingenuity to find a better, faster, easier way to get your frothy goodness to you. From the Star Tribune:

The idea seemed ingenious: Delivering 12-packs of beer to the cold, windswept surfaces of popular ice fishing lakes — using a drone.

Reading this, we literally heard a Hallelujah chorus, as a ray of golden sunlight illuminated our computer screen. What giant among men, what hero in a world full of fallen souls was Touched by the Hand of a Muse with such utter, simple brilliance? Seriously, this is the kind of thing Pete Seeger would write a folk song about, peace be upon him. Anything to make alcohol easier to obtain gets a million thumbs-up from us.

But, Glorious Readers, it was not to be. For you see, drones are meant to kill innocent wedding parties, not deliver hoppy, wonderful goodness to your frozen fishing shack. Come with us, and learn more about this tragic tale. 

On the frozen lakes of Minnesota, apparently people like to fish in the dead of winter, which seems like a terrible idea but we have never been to the frozen land of Minnesota but hear that it is cold and with the invention of indoor heat, we question the sanity of people spending freezing days literally sitting on ice trying to catch fish which are probably more easily hooked at your local megamart. But if you are going to be crazy enough to fish in the dead of winter, beer seems like a wise thing to take your mind off the bitter cold. Hence:

Lakemaid Beer president Jack Supple brewed up a plan this winter to quench the beer thirst of ice fishers on central Minnesota’s Lake Mille Lacs, with retailers taking orders using GPS coordinates.

Yes, Jack, that is a brilliant plan which you ‘brewed’ up. But would it work? Could it work?

He and his colleagues rented a drone, tested the idea on Lake Waconia and then put up a video. Set to cheery music, it featured a six-bladed unmanned craft gliding over fish houses and gently setting a box of Frosty Winter Lager on a snowy lake.

Did you watch the video? Seriously, take a second to watch the video, because it is worth it. Go ahead… we’ll wait.

We don’t know how one gets nominated for the Presidential Medal of Awesomeness, but we would like to formally nominate Jack Supple.

But, of course, this isn’t a Nice Time! post, so you know that something bad is coming. And in this case, it is Uncle Sugar Sam’s long, grumpy hand of regulation, via the FAA:

The nation’s stewards of the air are still studying how to safely bring drones into modern life, and until then, their commercial use isn’t permitted, they explained. They e-mailed Supple a stack of documents that broke his printer.

“Our concern is the safety of people on the ground and the safety of people in the air,” FAA spokeswoman Elizabeth Isham Cory told the Star Tribune.

Safety, schmafety. This guy is an entrepreneur who should totally sit next to the First Lady at the next State of the Union, where he could use a drone to deliver Obama a cold one during the speech, which would make it the most awesome SOTU ever! Unfortunately, the FAA is still looking into regulations about personal and commercial drone usage, so we will have to wait.

Does this cause our hero to despair and criticize the big, bad gubmint for infringing on his rights? Is he demanding a new printer because his was overloaded with government red tape? Does he go off the rails about government overreach or how senseless regulations are stifling creativity? Of course not, because he is FUCKING AWESOME:

“I see what they’re talking about. When you think of all of the people who are going to come up with ways to use these, the regulation of it is going to be important, so they’re learning as fast as we are,” Supple said.

Not only is he cool with waiting, but he is preparing for when regulations do come out:

In the meantime, he said, he’ll get ready by setting up droneports in key locations.

Someone buy this guy a beer.

[Star Tribune]

Put down your drone and follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer)

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