Here Is Your Big Deal State Of The Union Caption Contest, America!

Thanks to the wonders of modern digital recording technology, we have this "Vine" thingfrom "Now This Politics," showing Old Handsome Joe Biden being his usual awesome self during the State of the Union Address. Your assignment, O Wonkaderos, is to make up a funny caption for it and post it in the comments by 8 PM EST today, so's the night shift people (i.e., anyone in the chat cave after sundown) can judge your efforts and select the winners, to be posted tomorrow morning. And we promise not to berate you about how lame your captions are this time, we promise!* Winner gets a "pony." Or an "iPhone."

We even have two exciting gifs for you to choose from! In addition to OHJB, we also have another image after the jump! You will never guess what it is, unless you happen to guess it!

 
 Our second gif thing is gleefully stoled from a Vine thing by Saladin Ahmed, and shows GOP First Responder and America's New Sweetheart, Cathy McMorris Rodgers, getting some epic side-eye from PBS anchor and in-the-tank Veep debate moderator Gwen Ifill. We think we are in love with that look.

The rules are simple: Be funny. Winners will be determined by the whim of the editors, who can be bribed. Obscure pop culture references are encouraged. Apocalypse Now is not especially obscure, said Dok, knowing full well he's just hours away from another "love the smell of ______ in the morning" or "_____ doesn't surf!" his own damn self. Winners must promise to feed their "pony" a healthy diet and not to use their "iphone" in the commission of a felony. Judging will not be unduly influenced by Pee scores, as many fine ideas arrive at the last minute. Like this caption contest, for instance. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Void where prohibited, or preferably in your own damn bathroom.

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. Not that that would affect your chances of "winning." 

*We will instead damn you with faint praise, and you won't even know! Maybe!