stand somebodys ground

Responsible Gun Owner Shoots New Neighbors For Standing On Their Own Ground

You really don't want to go into her shed.We know we brought you a story today about an actually responsible gun owner — that nice Florida guy who communistically thinks other people’s backyard gun ranges should be as safely constructed as his. So now, of course, it’s time to balance that with another story of Our Well-Regulated Militia. This time out our Second Amendment Hero is Mr. Rodney Black of Barboursville, West Virginia, who protected himself from a home invasion by shooting two men dead because he thought they were on his property and breaking into his shed to steal all his worldly goods. And property, as we all know, is a sacred right in our Constitution.

Oh sure, there are a couple of teensy details that the gun-grabbers will inevitably fixate on, like the fact that the two men were not actually on Mr. Black’s property — in fact, one of the men, Garrick Hopkins, had just bought the land and was showing it to his brother Carl at 2:30 on a Saturday afternoon — and also, too, the shed was not actually Mr. Black’s either. And he shot them from about 50 yards away. But he really REALLY thought they were trying to rob him, so from his perspective and God’s, it was a clean kill. What part of “shall not be infringed” don’t you understand?

In clear violation of his sacred rights under the holy 2nd Amendment, Black has been charged with two counts of 1st degree murder, just for shooting two people dead. According to the criminal complaint, Black stated to detectives that he saw the two men “shaking the door on his tool shed in his backyard.” After that, he got his .243 rifle and shot the men dead from the window of his home without speaking to them or calling 911. After all, as our gun-fondling friends constantly remind us, when seconds count, the police are just minutes away. The statement also notes that “no first aid was given after the incident.”

After shooting the men, Black called 911 to report the shooting, explaining that they’d been trying to break into his shed. Cabell County Sheriff Tom McComas said that in fact, the shed was on the Hopkins property and didn’t contain any of Black’s belongings. Video from WCHS indicates that the shed was a good 50 yards away from Black’s house, on a lot that was vacant except for the shed.

Sheriff’s deputies seized “many weapons” and ammunition from Black’s house, so it would appear that he was ready to take on some kind of oppressive government tyranny. Or he just really liked guns, and finally saw somebody he thought needed shooting.

Still, there’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for why the two men deserved to be shot, or at least for why all other Responsible Gun Owners are completely different from Rodney Black, and no measures could ever conceivably be taken that would prevent something like this from happening again.

[WSAZ via Gawker / WCHS via RawStory]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. Just don’t go into his shed.

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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