Go Away, The Army General's Batin'

The problem of misconduct by America's Military Leaders is a very serious matter that deserves serious attention. Happily, many fine publications are doing that, so let's talk about this WaPo story about the fapping colonel. As part of a story on officers being less than gentlemen, the Post found the tale of Brigadier General Martin P. Schweitzer, a commander with the 82nd Airborne, who was so thrizzled to meet just-elected North Carolina Rep.JocelynRENEE (sorry, fap-story-related free-association brainfart) Ellmers in 2011 that he just had to send an email to a couple of other officers about how "smoking hot" the congresslady was. And then in a reply to a follow-up email, Schweitzer had to explain his tardy reply:

More than an hour later, Schweitzer responded with an apology for the delay, saying he had masturbated “3 times over the past 2 hours” after the meeting with the congresswoman.

Does WaPo share the full email with us? It does not. Sad state that journalism is in today.

The emails from Schweitzer, who was a colonel at the time, were discovered as part of an investigation of another officer, Brig. Gen. Jeffrey A. Sinclair, who is facing a court-martial on charges of sexual assault, adultery, and other charming behavior. Schweitzer met with Ellmers in March 2011; her district includes Fort Bragg, the home of the 82nd Airborne. He summarized the meeting in an email to his commander, Maj. Gen. James Huggins, and cc'd it to Sinclair, who was also a colonel at the time:

“First — she is smoking hot,” Schweit­zer wrote. “Second — briefing went well . . . she was engaging . . . had done her homework. She wants us to know she stands with us and will work/push to get the Fort Bragg family resourced.”

That, and what came next, led prosecutors to turn over the e-mail chain to the Army inspector general for a full investigation.

“He sucks : -) still needs to confirm hotness,” Sinclair teased in a reply.

And then Schweitzer sent the hilarious fapping email. We know what Kissinger said about political power being an aphrodisiac, but yuck. Schweitzer later told investigators that the exchange was “childish” and “truly stupid.” But he also insisted that he is

“an honorable man,” adding: “I am not perfect. This horrible attempt at a joke was simply that, a horrible attempt at a joke.”

The Army inspector general concluded that Schweitzer had “failed to demonstrate exemplary conduct” and cited him for using his government e-mail account “for an unauthorized purpose.”

Rep. Ellmers released a statement Friday saying that the emails were “entirely inappropriate,” and said that she first heard about them two weeks ago from a General who was preparing the report for release to WaPo under a Freedom of Information Act request. She diplomatically added that she was "pleased with the corrective actions that are taking place."

Schweitzer, now a Brigadier General, works at the Pentagon; he's been disciplined by having a “memorandum of concern” placed in his personnel file and a promotion to major general put on hold "pending a formal review." We hope that nothing else is being put on hold, if you know what we mean (and we think you do).

WaPo has more details on the charges against Sinclair, as well as other cases involving drunk, sexually-harassing officers who seem to have based their conduct on a Mad Men script rather than on the Universal Code of Military Justice. Unfortunately, none of those stories have the redeeming feature of giving us an excuse to say "fapping General," so we'll let you go read WaPo and sadly shake your head on your own time. If you know what we mean.

[ Washington Post ]

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