Remember when we all used to heart Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis, official state legislative badass of 2013? Yeah, those were the days, but they are over now. We are not allowed to heart her anymore since she has been EXPOSED as having an apparently pretty terrific supportive husband that one time. In fact, we must do a public stoning to her because she was only a poor single mom living in a trailer for a few months and not for all eternity, plus, also, she let her husband stay home and take of the kids while she pursued her higher education and career, like every man ever but it’s okay when men do it, they’re just being ambitious, but it is NOT okay when a woman does it because it says so in the Bible.
However, let’s not write off her entire political career just yet, like the New York Post says we should do, because she has won the most important game-changing backhanded compliment endorsement EVER.
A dating service that pairs wealthy “sugar daddies” with “sugar babies” for “mutually beneficial dating arrangements” has endorsed Texas Democratic gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis. […]
“Wendy Davis is proof that the sugar lifestyle is empowering,” seeking arrangements founder and CEO Brandon Wade said in his endorsement. “It can take a single mom from squalor to scholar, or in this case from the trailer park to Harvard, and a seat in the Senate. The sugar lifestyle creates an opportunity for women to transcend the single mother stereotypes.”
SeekingArrangement.com, you may recall, is the super classy site that helps horny dudes with cash find cashless women to sex them for cash. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you; as our fearless editrix previously told you, we “are unabashedly pro-whoring, paid or unpaid.” We are a sex-positive mommyblog, after all, and who are we to get all judgmental and not-an-ally about sex workers who want to sex for money instead of working some minimum wage crap job cleaning grease traps at McDonalds or cheerleading for the NFL for a whopping $1,250 a year?
However — yes, you knew that was coming, A+ for you, smartypants — we haz a confuse about how Wendy Davis meets the definition of a sugar baby sexing for cash. According to our Very Serious Investigative Journamalisming, it seems to us that Wendy Davis was in fact a woman who got married and had a husband who helped support her. This is more of a … oh, what’s the word? … marriage arrangement than a sex-for-Gucci purses arrangement. Unless SeekingArrangement.com, the Republican Party, and radical feminists all now agree that marriage is prostitution. Next they’ll be agreeing with that property is theft! But what do we know? We’re just a bunch of whores who need Uncle Sugar to help us keep our raging libidos in check.
We haz a further confuse about why the GOP is going practically Benghazi-crazy over this stunning revelation that Mr. Wendy Davis watched his family while his wife was at Harvard Law School.
Thursday afternoon Todd Kincannon, a former executive director of the South Carolina GOP, tweeted the suggestion that Davis could be the organizations spokeswoman.
Oooh, YA BURNT! (Also, too, thanks for breaking the irony-o-meter, Mr. Kincannon.)
But wait, didn’t Wendy do exactly what the Republican Party is always telling women to do? Pop out some babies as soon as biologically possible and find a big strong paycheck-earning husband? Yes, we are fairly certain that’s what Republicans have advised. Oh, but wait, Wendy committed the heinous crime of wanting to be edumacated and career-having. For shame, whore! For shame!
For those of you keeping count at home, the myriad reasons Wendy Davis is AWFUL, TERRIBLE include being “too stupid” to be the next Rick Perry, being not a real blonde, talking about abortion in an un-germane-to-abortion way, wearing pink shoes, living in a trailer for an insufficient amount of time, saying she was divorced at 19 when she was actually only separated at 19 and her divorce was not finalized until a couple years later so LIAR!, “getting an inordinate amount of attention” from the media, and having a husband. Republicans have yet to figure out how she is also responsible for Benghazi and the Holocaust, but we’re sure they’re working on it. Stay tuned.
Follow me on Twitter. No, I will not be your sugar baby.