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MLK side eyes these deep thoughts.

Happy Martin Luther King Junior Day, everybody! If you are a normal person and not a terrible grasping morass of stupid like some internet conservatives, you’ve probably spent the day thus far one of three ways: (1) sleeping off your hangover because you treated Sunday like a Saturday; (2) having to work and being angry about it; (3) honoring the spirit of MLK in a day of service. What you are probably NOT doing is taking to the internet to yellsplain at people how MLK was too a conservative Republican and probably is going to come back from the dead just to hate Obama. It’s OK that you haven’t made time for that, though, because there is a whole team of deep thinkers who have got you covered.

First up, the very essence of derp conservativism, the alpha and the omega of the movement, Mama Grizzly Polar Honorary Black Bear Sarah Palin.

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We’re actually kind of disappointed in this one. Only one sentence? And not even a terribly long run on one? Sarah, we expected more from you. Fortunately, your commenters will take care of going full-on racist for you, so your work here is done.

Everybody’s favorite surgeon turned conservative yeller Ben Carson couldn’t even really muster much more than Sarah.

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See? We are disappoint. The Twitchy team is NOT disappointed by Ben’s tweet in the least, however, and breathlessly declared that Ben Carson nailed it!!! and then saw fit to compile a children’s treasury of their own: a giant list of random people saying “Amen!” to Ben Carson’s 140-character missive. Fascinating.

Thankfully, Jesse Lee Peterson showed up over at WND to explain that black single mothers are lazy welfare cheats raising little thugs and we need to stop fighting a war on poverty and instead fight against moral poverty in honor of MLK.

When I was growing up in Alabama in the ’50s, even though we were poor and the laws were against blacks, we still had a sense of morality. If an unmarried woman got pregnant, she would not be rewarded with a government check. There was a sense of shame and she would marry in a “shotgun wedding” or would go away for a while, give birth and return. Help didn’t come from government; it came from family and the church. […]

The Omaha police union was right. There is a “thug cycle” in the black community. And single black female-headed households are often the training grounds. These are the black kids that grow up to be criminals and take part in racist “knockout” attacks.

Yes, the good old days of discriminating against black people AND shaming single mothers! Truly, those were the days. Definitely what you should be thinking about getting back to in honor of MLK.

There is, as with every year, a veritable surplus of right-wingers who want to explain how MLK really really WAS TOO SHUT UP a Republican, a claim that always comes with no context or link to evidence. However, we’re dealing with people who basically don’t believe in science, so articles of faith absent proof are their stock in trade. This year, besides the Republican claim, we also get hammered with a reminder that MLK was the Christiany-est Christian ever and liberals just want to forget that because of how we all hate Jesus so much. Daily Caller handles this in a boring way by throwing the Sermon on the Mount at us, but American Thinker steps up and knocks it out of the park.

So why is Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr, now referred to as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr?

It’s simple.

The Left wants no remnants of the Christian revolution that changed this country. They want to make people forget that the biggest change to happen to American since the Civil War was led by a black Christian who was also a Republican.

Shit, you guys. He is on to us! Our longtime goal of pretending that MLK was not a reverend is exposed. Worse still, the big American Thinking brains have uncovered that Reverend Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton did not actually get divinity degrees, which everyone knows is totally required in America to call yourself a reverend. It’s in the constitution as Amendment Eleventy.

By far the most incoherent MLK day rant goes to the fine people at PJ Media, a website we are always profoundly surprised to learn is still around. We’ve had a few solid go-rounds trying to sort this thing out, but we’re still not really sure what it means, but we think the gist of it might be that MLK’s legacy means you should have the freedom to discriminate too, because freedom?

In order to judge someone by the content of his character, you must remain free to do so and to act upon that judgment in pursuit of your own happiness. Effectively, you must be free to discriminate, to judge this as right and that as wrong, to deem one person good and another bad. Liberty proves foundational to King’s dream. Yet those laying claim to King’s legacy stand opposed to liberty at every turn.

We cannot force individuals to judge others by the content of their character. Any attempt to do so, any attempt to abolish racism by state decree, will fail on account of its ignoring the primacy of choice in the formation of values. King’s dream can only be achieved through persuasion, by appealing to reason and securing individual consent. Consequently, the world necessary to foster racial harmony counter-intuitively must tolerate offensive attitudes and choices.

Man, that is some college freshman writing your philosophy paper high at 2am level reasoning there, PJ Media. Congrats on that. You win at the weirdest most contrarian most stupidest thing said about Martin Luther King thus far today. But hey, it’s early. Things could get a lot dumber.

[Facebook/Twitter/Twitchy/WND/Daily Caller/American Thinker/PJ Media]

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