Louie Gohmert Wants You To Only Put Your Penis In A Lady’s Down-There-Place

  plumber cracks

All out of TinfoilCongressional Legion of Doom members Louie Gohmert, Michele Bachmann, and Steve King appeared on a panel at the Heritage Foundation Wednesday and somehow, Gohmert managed to out-stupid both other members of the trio.

Oh, sure, Bachmann warned that Barack Obama’s legacy would be “the establishment of lawlessness in the United States,” because gay marriage (apparently committed by bandits mostly), and King called for an investigation of why Obama’s uncle Onyango Obama was not deported for being an illegal immigrant, because “looks like if you’re an Obama friend, you’re exempt from the law” (nope). But Louie Gohmert out-idioted both with his opinion that judges who believe that gay Americans have a right to marry are fundamentally ignorant of biology, because of course the P-E-N-I-S goes in the lady’s down-there-place, not in the unmentionable hell orifice:

Gohmert pointed out that some courts had found that there was no biological evidence that marriage should be limited to a man and a woman.

“They need some basic plumbing lessons,” he said. “For one omnipotent, omniscious, ubiquitous federal judge who is wise beyond his education to say — to make such a declaration about the law, I think, requires revisiting by each state and compliance with the U.S. Supreme Court.”

The American Society of Plumbing Engineers was unavailable for comment.

Gohmert’s very very smart analysis of how some parts fit together naturally and make babbies, while other parts only go together with some creativity and grunting/giggling, reminded us of a similar argument made by opponents of marriage equality in the Australian Capital Territory where FamilyVoice Australia released a very persuasive poster to prove that the obvious conclusion drawn from their study of carpentry, plumbing, and electrical sockets, is clearly that “The simple fact is that the strongest joint is male-female”:

This is just obvious, duh.

Mind you, FamilyVoice Australia was just being “light-hearted,” because there are far better reasons to oppose marriage equality, like 1) Bible and 2) Ew, gross, they put their things where we don’t put our things.

In any case, an electrician in Melbourne prepared this graphic reply for a gay website, noting that electricians and plumbers are actually quite familiar with diverse hardware that not only lives in harmony, but is often exactly what you need to get the job done:

Aha -- this is even obviouser.

Still, we wish Mr. Gohmert luck in his quest to use mechanical analogies to prove who has rights and who doesn’t, not because the Founders were all expert plumbers, but because we always need content. And he will certainly continue to gain support from geniuses like Pete LaBarbera, who today tweeted this bit of brilliance:

A bigger smeghead than Rimmer

And of course, when someone pointed out that some hetero people are into that sort of thing, he replied that it was “still demonic. When heteros adopt homosexual perversions, they are still perversions, eg anal sex.” Poor sad Pete LaBarbera, spending so much of his time being forced to think about gay sex and straights doing “gay sex” even with their straight parts.

Maybe Louie Gohmert could lend him that plumber’s helper to get some of the rot out of his head.

[RawStory / News.com.au]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He thinks about Ponies, but not that way.

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

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