Oh, hi, good people of Wonkette. My name is Jason, and when Rebecca reached out to me to tell me that today is the 10th Anniversary of Wonkette, “and some old editors are writing posts about their time there or whatever,” I thought to myself, “Wow. Has it been ten years? Or are one of us, or both, drunk right now?” Turns out all of that was true, probably.
Why am I here, today? Well according to this Wikipedia entry I just read, “Past and current guest editors and contributors include Reason Magazine editor Nick Gillespie, Washington Post reporter David Weigel, DCeiver editor and Huffington Post writer Jason Linkins, Gawker editor and The Awl founder Choire Sicha, New York comedian and author Sara Benincasa, Chicago artist and journalist Lauri Apple, Boston Globe political blogger Garrett Quinn, cartoonist Benjamin Frisch, and Vanity Fair online writer Juli Weiner.”
What a group of rogues! Except for Juli. Juli is, I’ll have you know, a lady of refinement and distinction.
I came to these pages for the first time in October of 2005, because (I think?) Ana Marie was taking time off to write her book, Dog Days. During that time, I met Rachel Sklar, who years later asked me to fill in for her when she was writing a book. That led to over six years of me liveblogging the Sunday shows and writing dick jokes about American politics at the HuffPo. But your takeaway should be: I used to be the person that the hawt internet ladies turned to, when they needed to write books, guys.
Later, I would fill in for Ken Layne on a couple of occasions. At the time, I recall saying that I was guesting for him because he was receiving a “butterscotch enema.” I stand by that story, also I am jealous.
My time at Wonkette was a golden time, kids. Harriet Miers was a thing! Remember all that nonsense? Also, we celebrated Abramoffukah. Mark Halperin was still at The Note, right? I got in big trouble for repeating some gossip I heard at a Dick Cheney holiday party (Mike Allen was bragging about knowing who the Time Magazine person of the year was or some such bullshit, and I wrote about it, and multiple waaambulances were dispatched to my location by oh-so-aggrieved parties).
Oh! I nearly forgot the best thing! There was this panda bear, who lived at the zoo, and he was named Butterstick, and I could get a post (and twelve shiny Gawker Media funbucks!) out of his trials and travails on multiple occasions. I owe that panda everything (well, like $144) and I have vowed to travel to China and reclaim him for America. WHO IS WITH ME? HOW WELL ARMED ARE YOU?
I’d share links to these posts, but sometime between then and now, Wonkette went through a “site overhaul” and it was apparently carried out by the drunkest people available because now most of my old posts now cut off, mid-sentence, and end abruptly. They are, as a result, vastly improved.
Still, I feel fortunate to have played a small part in the history of yr Wonket. It was an experience that enriched my life in myriad ways. There is something that Ana Marie, long ago, taught me of this life of writing dick jokes about politics. Through all the dysfunction and the ridicule and the occasional terrible things that befall us, like the Great Recession and Everything After, it is important to maintain your love. To have a thing you care about, that warms your heart, that makes you smile brightly.
And what do I love? I love America. And America loves me. We cuddle, on occasion. Don’t make it weird.