Today In Dumbduckery: Alabama Legislator Introduces 'We Heart Phil Robertson' Resolution; Camo-Wearing Fans To Eat Chicken Sammiches
The Duck Dynasty Crisis continues apace, and so we bring you a couple of updates (we could go to an all- Duck Dynasty format if we wanted to, but we respect you too much for that). First off, in the great state of Alabama, state Sen. Jerry Fielding announced Monday that he'll introduce a resolution calling on A&E network to end its oppression of Phil Robertson, who was simply stating what all good Christians believe:
"Phil Robertson's family values are shared by the vast majority of Alabamians, who are rightfully concerned by the vitriol aimed at his Christian stance," Fielding said in a statement. "There's a clear double standard in the media favoring a liberal worldview. When it's used to silence and punish Christians for stating their beliefs, that's when we must defend the rights of individuals to exercise their free speech without fear of politically-motivated repercussion. I join thousands across Alabama and our country by standing with Phil Robertson, and urge A&E to reverse their action against him."
It sure is nice to see a state senator who so clearly understands how the Constitution works. The resolution also calls Robertson and his stage-managed family "ambassadors of the love and grace of the Heavenly Father through their exemplary lives on and off the camera."
The heavenly Father is, as we all know, a big fan of the days when happy blacks sang as they worked in the fields and never minded Jim Crow, because they were godly and hadn't been corrupted by food stamps.
In another corner of DuckDerp Nation, a Facebook campaign has fixed on January 21 as "Chik-Phil-A-Day," combining a tribute to the homo-hatin' Robertson with an attempt to recreate 2012's hugely successful campaign to convince wingnuts to eat fried chicken sandwiches for Jesus.
The people organizing the event say they are unaffiliated with either the Robertson family or the restaurant chain. They're encouraging Robertson supporters to wear Duck Commander brand camo and go to a chain restaurant, thus proving that the liberal elites can never silence the free speech rights of Christians to condemn homos. As we have seen from several hundred million whines about poor Phil Robertson, such opinions are completely suppressed in today's politically correct media.
We'll keep you updated on the next important developments in this very important story. Has Phil Robertson started a campaign exploratory committee, for instance? And isn't this all just a distraction from Benghazi/IRS/Obamacare/Fast and Furious?
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He's hoping to someday know as little about Phil Robertson as he does about Gloria Vanderbilt.
I haven't been following this duck kerfuffle because I don't know what the hell the show is about or who this person is everyone loves so much. But as best I can understand it, a network called A&E has a show that panders to southern rural types who like to decorate their homes with camo pattern ($400 million worth at Walmart), and watch while other people sit in swamps and kill wild birds.
But the guy on the show said something vile, which didn't bother the viewers but is likely to offend A&E's major advertisers, who are not overly dependent on the southern Walmart demographic, but are national brands such as Samsung, Motorola, Verizon, Sensodyne, IHOP, Macy's, Nokia, Walgreens, T-Mobile, and heh, Progressive Insurance. I mention these names because the fans and Mr Alabama Legislator are about to get a lesson in what happens when states-rightsy, state-driven culture goes up against the national culture.
The Tea Party and silly old Fox have convinced the Slavery States that they can carve out their own retrograde Reb culture and then impose the hell out of it on the rest of us. For way too long the national political system paid the South too fucking much attention. (As always in all bad things, Nixon is to blame.) But the flip of national opinion on gay rights has been salutary; with luck it is the leading edge of a broader pushback. Because it's about fucking time.
Hm, not really funny. But let's face it: nothing is as funny as that Robertson guy, so why try to compete?
ETA: Welp, so much for that. <a href="http://www.nola.com/tv/inde..." target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://www.nola.com/tv/index.ssf/2013/12/duck_dyn...">http://www.nola.com/tv/inde...
OMOZOMG our sinister plot has been exposed! CURSE YOUR SWINISH CAPITALIST HEARTS, A&amp;E! We the People SHALL NEVER BE MOVED! Because we are stuck in this booth at Chick-Phil-Eh. Little help here?
Someone? Anyone?