Ben Shapiro Irate As Obama Hands Federal Employees Vast Trove Of Riches

While most of us took Christmas Day to visit with friends and family and to wish peace and goodwill to all the people of the world, sniveling gay-panic vector Ben Shapiro   took to the pages of Dead Breitbart’s Home for Human-Shaped Ostrich Poop to slam the Kenyan Usurper Barack Obama for –gasp!– approving a 1% pay raise for employees of the federal government, the first raise they have had since 2010. Unelected bureaucrats taking even more of our hard-earned tax dollars as if the vast majority of them are middle-class types with mortgages to pay and kids to send to college or something, when everyone knows they are actually shiftless hacks who lounge all day at gold-plated desks, using the world’s fastest computers to search for yiffing videos while good Christians are put in chains and forced to feed them grapes and goblets of the finest wine and spoonfuls of Nutella. For shame, Barack Hussein Obama!

Seriously, Ben Shapiro really needs to find a hobby or the touch of another human being or something, so maybe he’ll loosen up and stop writing this drivel. Because there is so much wrong with his brief editorial it is all we can do to keep our Inner Pacifist from running him over with a Zamboni machine. (Yeah yeah, a Zamboni machine...of votes!)

President Obama’s reward to the federal workforce follows his longstanding belief that government work ought to be a first option for Americans.

Let us translate from wingnut-ese: Chairman Mao Obama wants government to take care of your dependent asses from cradle to grave. Well, nuts to that! The only person who takes care of Ben Shapiro’s ass is Ben Shapiro!

Nonetheless, Obama’s decision to raise federal pay only widens the income inequality gap between federal workers and private sector employees; as of 2011 , the average private sector employee made $59,804 in salary, and $28,000 in benefits, while the average federal workers made $74,436 in salary and $40,000 in benefits.

Let us remind Ben that government and business have two different goals. A private business wants to make profits and increase its stock value. Therefore, it is in the interest of a company’s bottom line to pay lower salaries. Free market! Government, on the other hand, is concerned with making sure the country functions, not with how much money the stockholders pocket. It is a thankless goddamn job. And as someone with several relatives who work or have worked as federal bureaucrats for a couple of different agencies, we can assure Ben that no one, but no one, goes to work for the government with the hope of getting wealthy. How many times do we hear about government employees in the current and past administrations jumping to the private sector because it is much more lucrative?

Furthermore, the gap between Washington, D.C. culture and the rest of the country is growing ever larger. Between 2000 and 2012, according to Census Bureau statistics, Washington, D.C. household income jumped 23.3%; the rest of the country, by contrast, dropped 6.6%.

Notice how Ben uses the word “culture” there to paper over the fact that hundreds of thousands of the government employees receiving this oh-so-generous 1% raise do not live in or near Washington, D.C. The capital is one of the wealthiest areas in the country for a whole host of reasons, including the existence of many, many highly paid private sector workers who do business with the government but are not employed by it. In the context of his argument, this is a completely worthless data point.

President Obama’s Christmas present to his federal friends will amount to nothing more than another lump of coal in the rest of America’s stocking.

It’s almost as if President Obama is the head of a large workforce and has authorized a raise for all its members (a raise, we should mention, that was actually accounted for in the federal budget deal Congress made just before breaking for the holidays). Because the president and even Congress appreciate the thankless work of government even if some low-I.Q. Breitbart writer doesn’t.

Here is reality for Ben “I’m a Real Grown-Up” Shapiro: Employees of the federal government had one grind of a year in 2013. Because Congress now funds our government through a series of last-second compromises reached only under threat of catastrophic defaults and shutdowns, many workers were forced into unpaid furlough days, or had to work while not receiving any pay, or had to sit at home for two weeks in October without pay and without knowing when they could go back to their jobs. Plus some agencies have hiring freezes, which means those still employed are doing extra work with no relief in sight. How this differs from the situations of employees of many private companies, we have no idea. It just does because BIG GOVERNMENT! BUREAUCRATS! TAX DOLLARS! ARGLE BARGLE!

In conclusion, we invite Ben Shapiro to eat an oil tanker cargo’s worth of salted rat dicks, the end.

[ Breitbart / NPR ]